The Biomechanics of Jonathan Papelbon
Class is in session, folks- so pay attention to Professor Papyboo, the only living expert in the fascinating subject he calls “The Biomechanics of Jonathan Papelbon”. (yes, he really calls it that) Today’s subject? THE SLUTTER, which may or may not be named in honor of current or ex-girlfriends of certain other members of the pitching staff, but is in fact a brand new pitch invented by your Professor. That’s right, he’s not just a closer, a reporter, a lawn mower and a moose hunter, he’s also an inventor. From the Providence Journal:
“It’s a cross between a slider and a cutter,” insisted Papelbon. “It’s not a true slider. It’s not a true cutter. When I throw it, I don’t pronate (downward twisting motion with his fingers) when I let the ball go. I leave my palm (up). I kind of cut the ball. That’s the angle it comes out.”
Why the need for a new pitch? From the Boston Globe:
“I kind of turned the cutter, because it didn’t work, into the slutter,” said Papelbon. “I consider inventing a pitch a lot harder than saving 30 games back to back.”
And what do his teammates think about the Professor’s latest invention?
Kyle Snyder: “It’s a slider,” said Snyder, shaking his head with a bemused look on his face. And while Papelbon was talking to reporters about the pitch, Snyder stood behind him, mouthing the words, “Don’t print that . . .”
Jason Varitek: “I let Pap talk about Pap. Pap’s like Rickey (Henderson).” and “Whatever, Pap,” said a smiling Varitek. “Just throw the ball, Pap.”
Think you got it now? Check out the Professor in action as he demonstrates for the class his new invention– the slutter makes its debut appearance in his very first pitch against Johnny Gomes. Watch and marvel.
“THE SLUTTER, which may or may not be named in honor of current or ex-girlfriends of certain other members of the pitching staff”
Was that a reference to that intellectually challenged waste-of-space that Beckett went out with after the Marlins World Series?
P.S. Paplebon is my no. 1 source of entertainment in the sports world right now. And I’m sure I’m not alone. He’s priceless.
He’s a special one, alright.
As the press secretary of the late great Richard J. Daley once said of the Boss’s malapropisms: “Don’t print what he says, print what he means.”
Kristin L. – No comment. ;) It’s definitely not a reference to LeAnn- because that girl knows her sports.
FEMTG – “Special”. HAH!
Kevin – I like how his teammates just basically roll their eyes when he comes out with stuff like this. Tek comparing him to Rickey Henderson is priceless.
Oh no. You’re really ok with Leann? My husband likes to taunt me by saying her name over and over again while I’m trying to watch Josh pitch.
I can’t hate anyone who knows as much about sports as she does. No matter how many of her clothes she takes off for pictures. Not my choice, but can’t hate her.
I see your point – the chikas who know about sports (for real, I mean – not in an “I just date ballplayers” way) should stick together.
You know I’m just jealous that she joined the Mile High Club with Beckett :)
Wait now… what? Mile High Club? Now I hate her.
Lemme guess- Beckett bragged about it to a reporter.
Nope – she told Maxim and that’s why he dumped her….or at least, that’s what I heard. I don’t think boyfriend likes girls who kiss and tell. He’s so Republican and virtuous and all that, you know.
Verrrrrry interesting. I didn’t know that. So she told tales and then got the boot, huh? Joshie likes to keep things hush-hush.