I Have Seen Heaven, And It Is Glorious

It’s been a helluva night. I live across the street from Wrigley Field, so about 10 minutes after the Sox clinched the AL East, my neighborhood spontaneously combusted when the Cubs clinched the NL Central. Mass hysteria with helicopters circling around and roads shut down and partying in the streets and it was glorious and awesome and indescribable and beautiful — and while all the rest of those Cubs fans were partying hard, I was partying overtime in double duty, because… OH MY SWEET LORD THE SOX AND THE CUBS BOTH CLINCHED. It was awfully convenient for Wrigleyville to throw me a party so I could celebrate both at the same time.

And like I promised earlier, I’m giving you the video of the entire celebration and hoopla at Fenway tonight- from the moment that everyone realizes the Orioles just bunted their way to victory over the Yankees, until the NESN crew signed off over an hour later. I’ve got it in five bite-size clips for you, and I put up some notes detailing the highlights you’ll find in each clip.

Beware: Beer and Bare Buttcheeks ahead!

FIRST CLIP
Highlights include:

* Papelbon jumping off a cooler in a jockstrap, with his ass cheeks hanging out for all the world to see. And what looks like a child-size tshirt barely covering his torso. Nice tats, babe- haven’t seen those since your rookie hazing days.

* Beckett repeatedly screaming in disbelief, “HE ACTUALLY BUNTED!” Once as he’s grabbing champagne, and then you can hear him randomly hollering it again in the background.

* Mike Timlin shoving people aside to get at the champagne and squealing “Geh out o’ the weeeeeeeeeeee” – which roughly translates to “Get out of the way!” in Timlin-Scottish-squeal-speak.

* Wakefield champagne-drenched lockerroom interview.

* Papelbon lockerrom interview- where he bear hugs Dice-K, and keeps hollering OW! (probably because people are snapping his bare butt, which is hanging out the back of his jockstrap).

* Curt Schilling interview on the field- Shonda left early (oops!).

* Bullpen guys running out to spray the bullpen cop with champagne.

* Eric Hinske lockerrom interview where he chugs Bud Light in between answering questions.

* Alex Cora and Mike Lowell jumping up into the Fenway crowd.

* Beckett hugging everyone in sight.

See the rest of the celebration after the jump…

SECOND CLIP
Highlights include:

* Mike Timlin interview on the field, where he harshes on Kevin Millar a tad (”What are you doing taking a fastball right down the middle?!?”)

* Coco Crisp swigging champagne from the bottle.

* Dustin Pedroia lockerrom interview, where he is surprisingly calm, cool & collected- and dry.

* Big Papi interview on the field.

* Eric Hinske smoking a stogie and spraying champagne while a grinning Clay Buchholz clutches a Bud Light.

* Mike Lowell running around high-fiving everyone in the Park.

* Brandon Moss interview on the field, where he’s the most wide-eyed precious thing ever.

* Papelbon puts on sliding pants over the jock to run out on the field and whisper sweet nothings in Manny Delcarmen’s ear.

* Kevin Youkilis lockerrooom interview, while trying to wipe champagne out of his eyes.

* Big Papi pops champagne and showers Papelbon while Papyboo headbangs, rockin’ it out in the spray.

* Jon Lester interview on the field.

* Dice-K grinning ear-to-ear while being sprayed with champagne en masse.

* The guys all gather together in a big huddle and holler and jump around like little kids, in a beer shower.

THIRD CLIP
Highlights include:

* Tito Francona lockerroom interview, where he gets a dig on Kevin Millar as well (”I can’t believe Millar didn’t swing!”).

* Larry Lucchino interview on the field- he wanted the “poetry” of Kevin Millar to win it for them, but he loved the bunt play.

* Mike Lowell spraying Tina Cervasio and everyone else in the lockerroom with champagne.

* Tom Werner & John Henry lockerroom interview.

* Jason Varitek gets mob-champagne drenched on the field, and has the biggest little-boy grin on his face plus bonus Tek-Dougie hug.

* Papelbon walks around with an empty Bud Light case on his head, and holes cut out of the front for his goggles to fit through. The majesty of this cannot be overstated.

* Tito gets drenched by the guys, and then makes the round bear hugging everyone.

* Theo Epstein lockerroom interview.

* Alex Cora and Eric Hinske snuggle hugging.

FOURTH CLIP
Highlights include:

* Kevin Youkilis does a strange dance on the field while Beckett, Papi, Papelbon, Alex Cora and the rest of the guys encourage him.

* Papelbon popping open a Bud Light with his teeth.

* Coco Crisp interview on the field, and getting great delight out of Katherine Tappan being “totally trashed” with beer by the guys. “This is the best time of my life right now.” AWWWW!

* Jason Varitek interview on the field, getting gently kissed on the cheek by Mike Timlin who then pours a beer over Tek’s head while hollering “No! Keep talking! Keep talking”, then getting champagne sprayed by Curt Schilling while Tek giggles like a kid and tries to keep his composure, and then getting another gentle kiss on the cheek from Tim Wakefield. SERIOUSLY- the love from his pitchers? COULD NOT BE ANY CUTER.

* Best response of the night, from Tek- Q: what’s special about this team? A: “Curt doesn’t hit, so that’s nice.” HAH.

* Beckett swigging beer in the background of Tek’s interview.

* Gagne looks like he tries to tell Papelbon something about the two (!) bottles of champagne Pap is doublefisting it with, and Pap gets a look on his face like, “NO! MINE!” and pulls away a bit – as though Gagne is going to steal away his booze.

* Curt stalking back and forth on the field just looking for someone to ambush with champagne.

* Tito and Clay hug- AWWWW! Tito and Pedroia hug – AWWWW!

* Beckett, with a huge wad of dip in his mouth and two cans of Bud Light (held in one massive paw, by the way), quick-hugging Theo.

FIFTH CLIP
Highlights include:

* Eric Gagne interview on the field, looking very sweet and making me want to forgive all his dumbassery this season. And he gets a hockey mention in, of course.

* Everyone’s caps have those stupid plastic hooks sticking out the top… except Wakefield.

* MIke Lowell contemplatively puffing on a cigar before being interviewed on the field- while Beckett looms nearby chugging beer and itching to cause mischief. Beckett has a half-grin on his face while he gives Katherine Tappan the staredown, DARING her to put him live on TV.

* Alex Cora takes over the Fenway broadcast booth and starts playing the music he wants to hear.

* Doug Mirabelli randomly flinging champagne.

* Jason Varitek walks up and calmly pours a beer over Mike Lowell’s head while he’s talking, and Mike looks down at the drenched cigar in his hand and asks, “Is it legal to smoke a cigar in Fenway Park?” before putting it back in his mouth for another puff.

* Alex Cora plays “Sweet Caroline” and the guys all dance around and sing and pose for pictures.

* Quote of the night: “Papelbon has got to put some pants on.”