Strike A Pose
It had to be done. There’s a long and snarky tradition of Fashion Police here at Center Field – and I just could not let the official photo day pass without comment.
Once again, fantastic sports and portrait photographer Nick Laham was on hand to document the annual photo day ritual — his photographs of the guys last year were nothing short of fantastic. This year, however, he eschewed the “noble warrior” look in favor of the “crosseyed mugshot” angle. As a result, most of the guys ended up looking like they’re about to star in some silent film about Mexican banditos — or that they’re about to get paroled from the state pen.
Case in point- Brad Penny:
Hi. I just finished serving 7-10 for armed robbery. I also like donuts.
Or this lovely gem, courtesy of Kevin Youkilis… or, rather, Kevin Youkilis’ pornstache.
Give us all yer guns and yer wimminfolk.
Let’s continue our journey through photo day, after the jump…
If I stand on this milk crate, will people think I’m taller?
I’m a grown man. I have a child. I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS.
Are you trying to start something with me? Do not taunt the Smoltz.
I’m Josh Beckett.
No, I’m Josh Beckett.
This is what passes for fierce in Trail, B.C. QUIT LAUGHING.
Saddest. Bank robber. Ever. Won’t someone let him help rob the bank?
Why does he always have to stay in the car?
I hate that Mark Teixeira guy.
I hate that Scott Boras guy.
World’s first and only hug-mugger – he will hug you, and you will like it.
OK, now this one actually is a mugshot, right?
Texy! Your Beckett/ Lester captions are pa-riceless! And oh my gosh! Youk! Unreal…
No one has sufficiently explained to me when or why we traded Youk for Sal Fasano. That’s the only way that moustache-y…thing got on this team.
varitek’s obvious confusion over why everyone is ugly and cross-eyed is understandable.
the pictures are freakin funny!!!
but where is Ellsbury’s cute face???
Ladies and gentlemen, Dustin Pedroia… your reigning AL MVP, and also secretly the Pillsbury Doughboy.
My flatmates want to know why I’m laughing so hard.
Best. Description of Papi’s “mugshot.” EVER.
Youk’s stache still scares me.
Jason Bay, the newest member of Pale Force.
@Liza: Ahahahaha!
Your comments are helping to alleviate the pain of seeing our guys look this awful.
Correction — I meant “captions.” It’s too early in the morning for me to think straight! But everyone’s comments are funny as well.
Youk’s look has grown on me. He’s now less WWE and more WWF. In a fantastic, fantastic way.
I fell out of my chair at the Jason Bay caption!
Yo ucan totally picture the photographer saying “Okay Jason, look serious.” … “No really, give me an angry face.” … “Errr, I just kicked you in the nuts, and stole your mom’s purse… how mad are you?”
“Ugh, nevermind.” – CLICK! – “Next!”
@ecl1958: You think these are bad? The MFY photos make these look outstanding. (Seriously, in their photos–also by Laham–they look like the kids who got beat up for their lunch money.)
Bay has one of those faces that works great in profile. He just does not come off as well when he looks straight into the camera.
(And Lester really does look more like Beckett than Beckett does here!)
“No, I’m Josh Becket”
haaahaahaaaaa
Great post, Texy.
Buuuuuuut…I have to say that I’m not crazy about the lighting in the photos.
Great captions! Have you seen the Nats photos?
“I gotta confession. I ate all a ya Cheez-its.”
What is with these? You can’t even see their hats in some of the shots, and they’re all dark and weird. Hate. Them. Can’t believe I will have to see these all year, bleh.
“i drive a dodge stratus” hahaha i love that skit!!!
“I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS” SNL reference right? Texy you are awesome!
I would just like to say one of my dreams is to one day meet David Ortiz and give him a huge bear hug.
These photos are hideous, with the exception of Tek’s.
What happened to smiling, guys?
And Youk – why?
wow the Lugo one is so true!!
Smiling? These are mug shots. You don’t smile in your mug shot. The whole point is look as badass as possible. Obviously, some are more successful (Smoltz – yikes!) than others (Bay – Hi Mom!)
By the way…looking quickly, it is hard to tell the difference between Smoltz and Lowell. Which means…Lowell was really working on the down and dirty. He’s gonna bring it this year!
wheres my jacoby!(;