Fashion Police: Last Spring Workout

We may have had the rain wash out our Opening Day, but fashion waits for no man or woman — even Mother Nature. It’s time for yet another installment of the Red Sox Fashion Police.

Intrepid (and talented!) photographer Scott Disnard was at Fenway on Sunday, and noticed a number of Sox players rolling up for their last workout of the spring. Fortunately, he snapped photos- and even more fortunately, he is sharing them with us.

JD Drew is sporting what is apparently the trend in the Sox locker room: acid washed jeans. This is not a good thing. This is not something to be proud of. But we all must get used to it, and learn to carry on with our lives anyway. However, do not look directly at JD, lest the movement of your eyelashes through the air or the power of your gaze cause one or more of his delicate body parts to break.

Welcome to Boston, Brad Penny! I’m sure you’ll blend right in here with your offensive lineman-sized body in a city full of short Irish dudes. And is that a guitar or a guncase in your hand? Never mind, don’t answer that. It’s probably both. Beautiful royal blue button down… although there are those acid-washed jeans again.

Is anyone surprised to see Josh Beckett in boots, sunglasses and a camo hat with layers of hemp necklaces? No? I would also not be surprised to learn that Jon Lester showed up wearing an identical outfit- alas, there is no photographic evidence one way or the other. I must, however, note that he is driving a BURNT ORANGE truck. His Longhorn girlfriend must finally have knocked some sense into him. Still with the acid-washed jeans. Josh- you’re better than that.

You can always count on Manny Delcarmen to represent for the local teams- although I imagine his completely shorn head is causing heartbreak amongst a certain segment of the female population. And it looks like his denim went a couple rounds with a bleach bottle and lost. Either that, or they’re tie-dyed in the crotch region. Not that I’m looking.

FINALLY. Justin Masterson has the good sense to rock a darker-dyed denim. Although the acid-wash on the person standing in front of him hurts my eyes. I’m sure the back of his car is loaded with homebaked goods from Meryl.

Awwww, Rocco Baldelli. He looks like he’s a deliveryman about to bring in the morning newspapers or milk order. Or a kid who managed to sneak past security.

Kevin Youkilis shuns your silly denim dress code. He has no time for such frivolities. He will wear a plain black track suit- and you will like it! Although he will also Don Johnson up the sleeves. That is how he rolls.

There are three things you can count on in life: death, taxes and Jason Varitek’s crewcut. I’d rip on the boring oatmeal colored sweater, but that would feel kind of like ripping on the very essence of Tek. And as long as he keeps hitting like he did this spring, he can wear whatever he damn well pleases.