Matt Wieters Day
As I’ve mentioned before, I make it a rule not to blog about guys on other teams- this being a Red Sox blog and all. But I must make an exception in this case, because today is surely the greatest day in the history of mankind: IT IS MATT WIETERS DAY.
It is impossible that you don’t already know who Matt Wieters is, because Matt Wieters has already been crowned the savior of baseball, the greatest ballplayer that ever lived and a first-ballot HOF’er… all before he’s played a single major league game. In fact, don’t be surprised if they shut down Cooperstown over the weekend, and rename it THE HALL OF MATT WIETERS. Matt Wieters is sunshine, unicorns, puppy dogs and the baby Jesus all rolled into one.
Do not look directly at this photo of Matt Wieters – it is like looking directly into the sun.
Scratch that – the sun turns itself off whenever Matt Wieters looks in the sun’s direction, so it doesn’t pale in comparison to the glory of Matt Wieters.
Matt Wieters can turn unassisted quadruple plays.
Matt Wieters is a six-tool player- the sixth tool is AWESOMENESS.
Matt Wieters once cured the common cold and solved world hunger, all while calling a perfect game.
Matt Wieters doesn’t use a baseball bat, he uses a golden tree trunk sent from the heavens.
Matt Wieters only plays in MLB because no one else is good enough to play in Wieters League Baseball.
Matt Wieters hits home runs from the on-deck circle.
Matt Wieters wears 50 pound weights on each leg… and still runs a 4.4 in the 40.
Matt Wieters swung and missed just once – and the wind current disturbance caused Hurricane Katrina.
And those are just the facts I can personally verify! A kind Orioles soul has begun to collect together all the lore about Matt Wieters at MattWietersFacts.com. I would submit mine above, but I just don’t know if I am awesome enough to submit to a website named after Matt Wieters.
Matt Wieters steals home during every game – from first.
@Mac: Matt Wieters could steal home from the dugout, but he doesn’t want to show up the other players.
It’s raining in Baltimore because even the heavens are scared of Matt Wieters.
@Texy: There are no other players, only Matt Wieters clones.
This just in! All 30 baseball teams forfeited their remaining games of the 2009 season to Matt Wieters — including the Orioles.
Matt Wieters could give Chuck Norris a run for his money.
I was just shocked to find out they’re not nationally televising The Wieters’ MLB debut. You’d think they’d preempt whatever else is supposed to air, a la one of those annoying Presidential speeches or something, and put it on every station (except ESPNU, of course, since that’s where The Strasburg will be pitching).
@jennifer: I’m just shocked we haven’t already elected Matt Wieters to be President.
I was just able to verify that Matt Wieters has just been announced the winner of American Idol, Survivor, Big Brother, Dancing With the Stars and America’s Got Talent.
Wieters is such an amazing catcher that he can TAG out both runners on a double steal attempt—without getting out of his catcher’s crouch.
@Texy: @Texy: haaaaahaaaahaaahaaaa
@kim: Wieters uses Chuck Norris as a fungo bat.
My favourite from the site is “Brian Roberts Will Ride Matt Wieters To Victory In Next Year’s Preakness.”
@lone1c: +1000
Despite the whole Red Sox thing, your facts are really funny and have been put up. Thanks for linking to us, and contributing.