Kudos, Bill Simmons
The Bill Simmons Fanatic: if you’re in New England, everyone knows at least one. There used to be a lot more of these BSFs – back in the day when his writing style was a breath of fresh air in the stale landscape of sports journalism, back when every column wasn’t peppered with repetitive pop culture references and jokes about his wife/wimminfolk in general, back when he was Boston’s Bill Simmons not L.A. Bill Simmons (who used to live in Boston). But years later, Simmons still has a fairly large cadre of intensely loyal followers around these parts. Every group of Sox fans will have at least one BSF who holds the Simmons catalog up as gospel, every Boston workplace has at least one BSF who thinks Simmons is the most witty, most knowledgeable person in the sporting universe.
Like many others in offices across New England, my office’s designated BSF often prints out the latest Simmons screed in the morning and hands it to me – chiding me to “just read it” and “it’s really good, I swear” and “I promise he doesn’t talk about the Bachelor in this one”. Of course, my office BSF also has an irrational hatred for JD Drew and thinks Dirt Dogs is high comedy, so I try to take her Sox-related opinions with a grain of salt. This morning, she handed me the latest Simmons piece printout.
“What’s it about?” [glances at photo of Papi on front page] “Oh, god – not another ‘Papi sucks’ column. I don’t think I can take this, after his ’steroids ruined the children’ one.”
But I read it. I always do.
The best way I can describe Fenway during any Papi at-bat is this: It’s filled with 35,000 parents of the same worst kid in Little League who dread every pitch thrown in the kid’s direction. There is constant fear and sadness and helplessness. Nobody knows what to do.
It’s been a sports experience unlike anything I can remember. Red Sox fans refuse to turn against Ortiz. They just can’t. They owe him too much for 2004 and 2007. It’s like turning on Santa Claus or happy hour. Every Ortiz appearance is greeted with supportive cheers, every Ortiz failure is greeted with awkward silence. The fans are suffering just like he is. I cannot remember another Boston athlete stinking this long, and this fragrantly, without getting dumped on.
Really, that’s a tribute to what he means to his fans and how delightful it was to watch him play. His career might be over (notice I left the door open; I’m such a sap), but Ortiz has reached the highest level an athlete can reach: unequivocal devotion. Sox fans love him the same way you love an ailing family member. In the end, at his bleakest point, he’s brought out the best of an entire fan base. He has inspired dignity and emotion and loyalty. The fans could have sped his demise (and saved a few games) by booing until Francona benched him. They didn’t. How often does that happen?
We live in a world in which all entertainment is chewed up and spat out. We milk public figures like cows, and when they’re out of milk, we tip them over and move on. Quickly. It’s not just that we need to see everything “jump the shark” that bothers me. It’s also that so many of us are gleeful about pointing out that something or someone we once loved has outlived his usefulness. The demise of Big Papi played out in an old-school way: real devotion, and in the end, people refusing to let go.
That’s the reason the BSFs cling to Simmons like rats on a drowning ship – that right there. He still has a singular ability to distill the fan experience (and the Red Sox fan experience, in particular) down into the written word with charm and a tweak of nostalgia.
So kudos, Bill Simmons. You may have worn out your welcome with segments of the national sports audience, and like the subject of your latest article, many people may think your best days are behind you. But then you pick up your (metaphorical) bat, and knock one like this out of the park – and we’re all reminded why you’ve picked such a devoted following along the way.
Good stuff Texy.
I was just tweeting a random stat line about Ortiz when I saw this post…
And just like all the other fans refusing to accept that Big Papi is done.. .I posted his stats at Commerica Park – .288 with 13 HR overall… and his line from the last series the Sox played in Detroit – 7 for 18 with 2 homers, 2 doubles and 4 RBI…
I’m just saying…
“The best way I can describe Fenway during any Papi at-bat is this: It’s filled with 35,000 parents of the same worst kid in Little League who dread every pitch thrown in the kid’s direction. There is constant fear and sadness and helplessness. Nobody knows what to do.”
While this is terribly poetic, it’s also a bit untrue. The fear, sadness and helplessness comes AFTER the at-bats not during. Simmons, living on the other coast and mailing in his Sox fandom since 2005, wouldn’t really get this.
(Although he contradicts that paragraph in the next when he describes the cheers. Though calling them “supportive” isn’t quite as strong a description as should be for what they are.)
In this same piece, he also trots out the stereotype of Dominican players not being the age they claim (”I think he’s old(er)”) which is just lazy and a bit xenophobic (his “he’s Dominican” line in reference to PEDs falls under lazy and xenophobic as well). And given what the Sox have invested in Ortiz (financially and emotionally) and what he means to the organization “Barring a miraculous return of bat speed, he’ll be benched or released soon.” is a bit melodramatic, even for Simmons. There will certainly be considerations to sit him for a while but there is no way the Red Sox are going to “release” Big Papi with one year on his contract, all that money owed to him, and the way the team feels about him (let alone the fans).
The only thing I miss pre-2004 is the way Bill Simmons used to have a real connection to this team.
And I forgot to mention “lesson No. 184 on how women ruin everything -”…because making fun of how women don’t like sports and ruin the lives of men is just so 2009.
I know it was a throwaway line designed to be funny but Simmons has been banging the “women don’t know anything about sports” drum long enough that he’s turned himself into a dinosaur.
I think I have to disagree: I feel fearful, sad and helpless before, during and after every Papi at-bat.
I can’t lie, I do as well.
But he’s describing Fenway. Which goes absolutely insane every time he comes up to bat. If he wanted to just write about the feelings of fans generally that’s one thing but to specifically say “Fenway” when he comes up to bat…it’s a bit of a stretch with the poetic license.
I think his description is spot on. To me, he’s not describing the ballpark atmosphere- he’s describing the internal anguish. And describing it to a ‘T’.
I guess it’s just a matter of what you read or don’t read into what he writes.
I don’t disagree with your overarching points, though- I made similar ones above: he’s repetitive, he jokes about wimminfolk, he’s gone Hollywood. But on occasion, Simmons is still able to deliver a turn of phrase like no other. I happen to think the portion I quoted above is one of those times. Others may disagree… that’s what the interwebz are for.
I read this too…and it felt spot on. It spoke to how I see myself and the Fenway Faithful. I see Papi’s stat line…and my heart sinks each time he comes up to bat. But…I just can’t let go…I can’t give up on David Ortiz. I sometimes feel like a fool…or a sucker, but I just can’t do it.
I have a co-worker who is a Red Sox fan as well. He has no problem giving up on David Ortiz. He asks me almost daily if I am ready to say Papi is done. Each and every day…I answer, “Nope, I am not.” I am still saying it…I just don’t believe as much as I once did. He calls me a fool almost daily…and maybe I am. I still say I believe in David Ortiz because to say otherwise…no matter what facts you show me…is just not an option.
@shelley1005: We are all complicit in the denial. At least I am.
@shelley1005: I am so unwilling to give up on him that I finally bought my first Ortiz shirt just a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, I know, it took me long enough, but it was time for new Sox shirts for my upcoming road trip and I can’t imagine not showing my support for Papi.
@Cyn: I too get really annoyed with the “Dominicans must be lying about their ages” stereotype. I look at it this way…the Sox roster lists Papi, Lugo and J.D. as having been born within four days of each other in 1975. Line them up next to each other. Does Papi look any older than the other two? Not to my eyes, he doesn’t. And I don’t think there’s any question about the ages of the other two, so it makes me want to scream and pull my hair out when I see folks accusing Papi of being 36, 38, 39, whatever.
@Texy: I’m in that club, too. I quickly read Simmons’s article and could identify with parts of it.
I’m not a fan of Simmons’ work, outside of what I’ve read in “Now I Can Die In Peace,” but I found myself breathing a sigh of relief after reading this article because I don’t want to believe that Papi’s sudden decline has anything to with (a lack of) PED’s. Simmons’ explanation, while totally circumstantial and wrapped in tired prose, is believable and gives me an a way out of the PED fears. And I don’t think Simmons was being xenophobic by pointing out that other Dominican players have lied on their birth certificate. He’s not saying that there’s something about Dominican or other Latin American players in general that means you should expect them to lie about their age. He’s just saying that it happened a few times recently and he’s right.
I wouldn’t think less of David Ortiz if he’d lied about his age. If I could put myself in a position to make tens of millions of dollars by lying about my age, I’d sure as hell do it, and I think most people would. Hell, a good percentage of the population lies about their age just to get dates.
If this turns out to be true, and it explains Ortiz’s decline in a way that doesn’t cast doubt on what he’s accomplished in a Red Sox uniform the way that steroids would, then I’ll consider myself to be a lucky fan.
As a parent of a “never gonna be an all-star” erstwhile athlete, Simmon’s characterization was spot on for me. Ditto the unconditional love and I have to say that if the day comes that the fans turn against Papi, I think I will be so ashamed that a little piece of my Red Sox love will die.
I think there is possible merit to the suggestion that Papi is older than his stated age. I have heard some ask that maybe he is having vision issues. I am sure that has been checked out, but for some reason, when they talk about his timing issues, I can’t help but wonder if he is not seeing the ball as well as he should.