NLCS Non-Preview: Philadelphia Phillies
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Even though I swore to myself in the immediate aftermath of Sunday’s trainwreck that I “didn’t care about the rest of the playoffs” and I “sure as hell wasn’t going to watch the games”… I was totally lying (it was just the bitterness talking). It’s baseball – and any baseball is good baseball, especially playoff baseball. |
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So I’ve decided to put my idle hands to good use with a series of NLCS and ALCS non-previews. You can find thoughtful analysis anywhere- I’m just here to post whatever random shit about the teams that I feel like. Hey, if Leitch can write previews without actually previewing the team, then I sure as hell can write non-previews. |
Cole Hamels, vampire, will shill any product that someone will put in front of his face. Sure, there’s the standard car dealer commercial – but then there is also this horror:
Who on god’s green earth told him this photoshoot would be a good idea? I mean, apart from his spotlight-seeking wife and the condo company people? Then again, Cole Hamels is a man who is definitely secure in his masculinity.
But Cole can’t be all bad, because he harbors a not-so-secret desire to play for the Red Sox. And we know he’s not alone- every player on every major league team ever in history has wanted to play for the Red Sox (even if they didn’t realize it). But what other ballplayer has the cojones to actually put a picture of Fenway up as the header image on his official blog?
Of course, in vampire Cole’s mind, Fenway actually has two ballfields: one in the regular place, and a spare diamond out in right field. No wonder JD Drew is hurt all the time – he’s having to play in two different baseball games at once!
But enough about Cole, let’s talk about the most important person in the Phillies dugout: manager Charlie Manuel. Or, more specifically, Charlie Manuel’s pants. Without those pants, Uncle Cholly’s hands would have nothing to do all game.
Cholly’s pants are clearly the first element of the special magical recipe that is the Phillies. Second only to Cholly’s pants is Jimmy Rollins’ mojo. His throwback mojo is so awesome, folks make tribute videos in its honor. This JRo video could possibly be the greatest JRo video in the history of JRo videos, and that’s really saying something. I think.
The third element of Phillies magic? T-shirts. Not stupid white towels (which, next to the wave and the kiss cam, are the most annoying element of playoff baseball games at many ballparks), not rally caps… t-shirts. The various street vendor tshirt companies here in Boston produce some pretty fantastic stuff – but Philly leaves us in the dust. From Birdland:
And finally, the fourth ingredient in the special sauce of the Phightin’ Phils: ICE CREAM. Just ask Chooch.
Thanks to the full cadre of awesome Phillies blogs for the material for this post: The Fightins, Philebrity, The 700 Level and Beerleaguer.
Now THIS is postseason coverage I can handle.
Good lord, that Fenway mash-up is ridiculous. Does he think his fans have never seen an AL East baseball game before?
Can Hamels hit? Because unless he can, the Sox don’t NEED him like they need another bat. I mean it’d be nice to have his wife around more often I guess? LOVING the t-shirts by the way.
I actually have stopped watching baseball. When the Cardinals, Red Sox, Not-Yankees, and Rockies lost, I gave up. (It’s hockey season anyways.)
I do enjoy this though. I will never be able to look at Cole Hamels the same way again, however.
Photoshop FAIL. Time to fire your graphic designer, Hamels.
I am 95% sure I’m gonna buy that Jimmy&Chase&Ryan&Cole shirt. But in hoodie form. It’s so cheap, and I don’t have any Phillies merch… yep. Just talked myself into it.
Glad to see we’re getting at least a little support/positive comments from Red Sox Nation…Hopefully we can gain a few more fans by knocking the Yanks out of the Series. And yes, we Phillies fans do have the greatest t shirts in baseball…thanks to birdland and cheesesteaktees.com, we’ve got about everything you could think of covered.
The enemy of my enemy is my friend. Go fightins’!