There have always been hotties in baseball. This may not seem like the case, because when most people think about baseball Back In The Day, they think of guys like this:
Sorry, Ed, but you just were not hot- and that awful moustache was not helping matters. But I swear to you there were hotties back then just like there are hotties now... and I'm bound and determined to give these guys their (long over) due.
First up: Carl Yastrzemski. I knew he was an 18-time All Star. I knew he was a Triple Crown Winner. I had no idea he was so good-looking (check him out in 1964).
click on the card to get a bigger version
Thanks to Dan Austin for the card scans!
Exactly.
Me, too, Papyboo - me, too. That cutter needs a little more work, darlin'.
Dusty Baker Still Continues to Suck
He may not be working for the Cubs anymore, but the stink of Dusty Baker still lingers in the air. Remember last year, when Dusty got rid of lovely Todd Walker (yes, I'm biased) to the Pads because his favorite little pet Neifi Perez played the same infield positions? Heaven forfend that Dusty's pet not get optimum playing time! And then Todd never fit in San Diego and got traded to the A's and got cut and eventually retired from baseball this year, so we'll never be able to see his loveliness on the diamond again? Yes, I blame Dusty for all of that. Rationality need not come into this.
Turns out Dusty's pet is a juicer (stimulizer... whatever!) -- and just got himself a 25-game suspension as the first MLB player to get popped under the new drug policy.
So thanks, again, Dusty- for dropping this:
in favor of this*:
*needle used for dramatic effect, because it's scarier-looking than a little pill
I Don't Think So
Pardon me, but was that just the freakin' MACARENA I heard playing over the PA system at Coors Field during the Rockies-Phillies game? Surely that can't be. Surely they are not still playing that monstrosity twelve years after it was culturally "relevant" (and that relevance is debatable).
No. No. No. Don't do that, ballparks. Don't kill our souls with "Macarena" and "Everybody Clap Your Hands" and "Hot Hot Hot". This is yet another reason why Wrigley rules all: organ music only, never "YMCA" or "Chicken Dance".
Knights In Shining Armor Wet Greys
The Phillies don't just win ballgames, they save the grounds crew at Coors Field from CERTAIN DEATH -- jumping out of the dugout to help get that nasty, wind-whipped tarp under control. The entire team, including Adam Eaton (the starting pitcher) and all the rest of the starters, joined the fray without even being asked... and got a standing ovation from the crowd afterwards.
Meanwhile, all of the Rockies (save LaTroy Hawkins) chilled out in the dry clubhouse. Classy.
Hottie Derby
The Home Run Derby is just about to start, and love it or hate it, every single one of the 8 guys competing is a cutie. Of course, I have to back my own personal favorite Justin Morneau for the win -- but all of them are nice to look at.
I like David Wright's ideas for the Derby -- including more points for opposite field homers, and requiring a teammate to pitch to you.
Sometimes Bacon Ain't Enough
The closest I've come to baseball nirvana happened in the 8th inning of the All-Star game last night, when Papyboo and Bacon Pants faced off against each other. Mano a Mano. Ultimately, Papelbon would be the winner, striking out Rowand after a fierce battle. So I was both deliriously happy, and horribly disappointed -- much like when A&M and OU face off every year in football.
For that reason, if nothing else, you will never hear me bitch about the All-Star Game. Any event that gives me an excuse to see my two favorite ballplayers square off is an event I support.
Best part of the exchange: "Stare of Slingblade into the plate."
They deserve a lot worse- like a punishment with some ACTUAL bite- but I'll take the horrific embarrassment of an entire season forfeit. It's no SMU death penalty, but it's a whole hell of a lot of egg on their face.
Halfway Home: Mid-Season Awards
We're officially past the halfway point of the baseball season. When October arrives, only one team will win it all, and the rest will be sent home sad (some sooner than others, REDS).
But this isn't October- it's July. And in July, like in Little League, everyone's (still) a winner. So just like Little League, I'm gonna give out awards to someone or something on every team. Everyone takes home a trophy!
Congratulations go out to Julio Lugo- who successfuly brought himself up to a .201 average over his last few games. For that, I'm giving him the first honorary Mr. Mendoza recognition.
May you never fall below the Mendoza Line again, Julio!
How To Do A Wrigley Day Game
Step 1: sleep in until 10 am.
Step 2: have a beer.
Step 3: take a shower.
Step 4: have a beer.
Step 5: get dressed (Todd Walker shirt? nope. Michael Barrett shirt? nope. Ryan Theriot shirt? YES!)
Step 6: have a beer.
Step 7: friends come over, watch Baseball Tonight while shooting the shit and having a Maker's.
Step 8: go to Murphy's.
Step 9: have 3 rounds of Maker's.
Step 10: go to left field bleachers.
Step 11: PROFIT.
1. Great game. It was WAY hotter in the bleachers than the weatherman said, but who cares... the beers were just as tasty. The grass in CF was a little destroyed, thanks to The Police.
2. Yes, please. Dear Jesus, I've been a (mostly) very good girl- can I have just this one wish?
3. Bye, bye Pie - and hello faux-Italian-sounding Geovany Soto, who can't hit for shit, apparently. The new "golden child" from Iowa better learn how to take that .344 from AAA and convert it to better than 0-fer-5 in the Big Leagues. ZAMBRANO got 2 hits today.... ZAMBRANO.
4. 2-4, huh? That 18 bajillion dollars is definitely turning out to be a super decision.
5. No one cares. Seriously. No matter how few items of clothing he and his wife wear.
You're a Red Sox player. You just made the All-Star Team. Your club flies you and your other all-star teammates to San Francisco for the festivities. What do you do? If you're Jonathan Papelbon, you go crazy and celebrate with a Bud (heavy) and a wicked game of cribbage with Mike Lowell.
I love that tie and shirt combo.
All credit to Barstool Sports for the picture- those sneaky devils.
Kip Visits Wrigley
The great thing* about Fox taking over baseball on Saturdays (other than that awesome pitcher cam, where they zoom in real tight on the ball inside the pitcher's glove, so you can watch his grip adjustments and see his delivery) is that they get players to deliver the starting lineups for the teams.
Today, it was Rich Hill's turn to do the lineup for the Cubs, and he decided to speak the entire thing in character as Kip from Napoleon Dynamite. It was pretty sweet.
* I am still pissed, though, that every Saturday, FOX's games nullify my MLB Extra Innings package, and I only get to see one of the 4 or 5 games they're choosing to broadcast. BOO!
Awwww, Hell.
This day had to come sooner or later. Now maybe the media will get over it, and the Phillies can get back to the business of winning the NL East.
It will probably be awhile before NESN goes live on-air again for a Josh Beckett press conference. I, on the other hand, was delighted to see him unguarded after today's loss - where he dropped a few cuss words in his 90 second clip, including a mighty f-bomb. He's pissed- you can practically see him simmering under the surface- but doesn't lose his cool.
To Josh's credit, he flatly refused to allow the press to blame the Sox loss on poor run support (which it absolutely was-- Josh pitched lights-out ball with the exception of the two pitches he discusses in the p.c.), and instead straight up shoulders the blame as the fault of him getting out-pitched.
Joshua Patrick, for your hotness on the mound on Tuesday and today (despite the L) and your even hotter performance in the press room, you're my Baseball Boyfriend Of The Week. I'll always find a well-placed cuss word from a man to be sexy.
During the broadcast of tonight's Cubs-Giants game, it was announced that the Cubs have acquired Jason Kendall from the A's (for catcher Rob Bowen and minor leaguer Jerry Blevins-- plus cash from the A's, according to Fox).
Kendall is full of grit and grinder goodness, and is long on skill at calling a game and clubhouse leadership (and he doesn't have a problem putting out a good face-tag or two). But his bat is weak (albeit better than what we've got at C now), and he's having a career-low year at the plate.
The Cubs broadcast team is positively giddy about this news- but most A's fans are doing celebratory dances at the news as well. I guess a catcher who doesn't get in punchouts with his battery-mates is a step in the right direction.
Looks like the fire sale over in Oakland has officially begun... get 'em while they're hot!
New Digs
Change your bookmarks, folks- I've moved to brand new digs:
http://www.outincenterfield.com/
It's All Downhill In Nashua
Bode Miller, professional skier and professional troublemaker, once again signed a one-game contract to play with the Nashua Pride minor league baseball team (independent team with the Can-Am League, not part of MLB or MiLB).
Bode prowling the OF in Nashua last year
So when he strikes out at the plate (he went 0-fer last year when he played), will he ski off into the woods like he did at the Olympics?
1. "Let's Go" by Trick Daddy
2. "Higher Ground" by Red Hot Chili Peppers
3. "Move, Bitch" by Ludacris
4. "Nothin" by N.O.R.E.
5. "Cold Hard Bitch" by Jet
6. "Bodies" by Drowning Pool
7. "Bring The Noise" by Public Enemy ft. Anthrax
8. "Sabotage" by Beastie Boys
9. "B.O.B." by Outkast
10. "Jump Around" by House of Pain
Well, Well, Well
Look whose favorite golfer currently sits atop the Leaderboard in Carnoustie...
So pretty.
(Yes, I realize that the likelihood of Sergio Garcia winning the British Open is about as great as the Royals winning the World Series... but I'm going to celebrate while I can.)
Ted Lilly Can Do It All
Pitch the Cubs to a W.
Hit the ball.
Score a run.
STEAL A BASE.
Yup, Mr. Lilly stole his first career base today against the drain-circling Giants, en route to a 9-8 victory. (we're NOT talking about Barry's homers) For the W, the hit, the run and the steal - Teddy Bear, you are my Baseball Boyfriend of the Day. And it doesn't hurt that you're super cute.
Plus, he was kind enough to show Fox his different pitch grips- I find this fascinating stuff.
Come up with an appropriate nickname for your cutie starting pitcher, Kason Gabbard.
Unlike some folks, I love the name Kason- but every good ballplayer has to have a good nickname. And Kason, as far as I've been able to tell, doesn't have a nickname to speak of give to him by his teammates. I think he's just too shy and reserved to have gotten enough attention to get one (ahem, PAPELBON).
So what should we call him? Best I've come up with so far is Kasekase. I've also seen him called Typo- which is pretty damned hilarious. Any other thoughts?
Dispatch From Inside Enemy Territory
The awesome thing about living in Chicago is that... I live in Chicago. Yards away from Wrigley Field and the bars of Wrigleyville. The awful thing about living in Chicago is that... I live in Chicago. So when the White Sox and Red Sox face off, my NESN broadcast is blacked out, and I'm forced to watch the White Sox crew on Comcast.
I'm not anti-Palehose, by any stretch of the imagination. I love going to games at the Cell, they field one hell of a nice-looking team, and it's kind of hard to hate on the underdog local team that is perpetually ignored and forgotten in favor of my Cubbies. But listening to the opposing team call a Red Sox home game (especially a game that the Red Sox lose) borders on torture. You can only hear Hawk say "HE GONE" so many times before you want to plug your ears.
What I Learned From the White Sox Broadcast Team:
1. Official time on the rain delay: 1:56.
2. They did not know "Dice-K" was how you pronounced his name. They thought it was a nickname, for "something" + "strikeout".
3. If you were to say Daisuke's name in English, you would say "Die-soo-key". (I'm not sure why you would say it that way "in English" since a name is pronounced the same no matter what country you are in.) They think that because we pronounce "Matsuzaka" phonetically, we should really all be calling him "Die-soo-key". This entire exchange made perfect sense to the 2 of them.
4. Dice-K's "hesitation" at the top of his delivery (i.e. when he rocks slightly at the beginning of the wind-up) doesn't phase hitters at all. How they know this, I don't know. Can they read the thoughts of all the batters that have faced him?
5. They could not remember the name of Dice-K's "funky pitch". Seriously.
6. Based on their time playing in Japan, they can certify that Dice-K is "unique". GREAT insight, there.
7. They don't like to see stars from Japan come over here, because it has "taken the meat" out of their baseball "over there".
8. The fans at Fenway are like the White Sox fans because they "have a lot of energy". But the White Sox fans have more! There were lots of instances of comparing the two clubs, and somehow the White Sox always seemed to come out slightly ahead in every respect.
9. Red Sox fans also are like White Sox fans because they like blue-collar players like... Coco Crisp (???) Tek, I buy. Lowell, I buy. Timlin, I buy. But Coco? Okayyyyyyy....
10. David Ortiz is a "good" hitter. Don't go out on a limb, there.
11. Wily Mo Pena has a nice name. He is also a "massive human being" and "one thick dude". Every time he came up, there was another discussion of how large he was. WE GET IT.
12. You have to think the right way to be successful playing in Fenway. (as opposed, I suppose, to thinking the wrong way?)
13. Coco holds the bat like he's playing the flute. They would zoom in on his hands every time he was at-bat. They went on and on and ON about his hands.
14. All ballplayers think the two worst ballparks are Wrigley and Fenway. Because they're old.
15. When Papi bats, it's not the "Ted Williams shift"... it's the "Jim Thome shift". They also kept saying the word "shift" a lot, which sounded worse than I think they realized.
After 3+ hours of this, I think it's safe to say: we're through the looking glass here, people. NESN- COME BACK TO ME!
Barry Thinks Tyler Is A Liar
Barry Bonds is calling you out, Tyler Olsen from Freeport, IL. It doesn't matter that you're 13 years old- he thinks you're a liar. If you weren't such a lying liar, Tyler, you would have tossed back the real homerun ball you caught off of Barry yesterday at Wrigley, instead of fumbling around for 2 minutes and then tossing back a fake ball onto the field.
Barry is totally disgusted by your behavior, Tyler. What kind of example can you be when you lie?
I Hit The Trifecta
It's not often that I get to celebrate victories by all of my teams at the same time -- but all three ballclubs pulled off the wins today behind Jason Marquis, Josh Beckett and Adam Eaton.
Even better, the Braves, Yankees and Brewers all lost today as well - so it's a super double awesome trifecta. Beckett gets W number 13 (despite the horrific callback of J.D. Drew's homerun), the Cubs roll on to a solid 7 games above .500, and Eaton outpitches old Philly teammate Justin Germano.
Everybody Loves JI... JIM THOME
Jim Thome is one swell guy- and Friday was one heckuva swell day for him (if you don't mind that pesky L for his ballclub). First, THOME gets some love from the NESN broadcast crew during BP pregame. Then he gets some love right before the game from Red Sox guys Papi, Lugo and Manny (though I confess I always picture any THOME-Papi meeting to go something like this). And then during the game he hits a three-run tater. Everything's coming up THOME!
After the jump, I've got video for you of the full Friday Night Fenway interview with THOME by Tina Cervasio (she calls him "Jimmy")- because it ain't a real THOME day until you hear him say "gosh" at least once. Plus, you can hear his take on "Manny Being Manny".
I knew it was too good to last. Although Serge made it last a lot longer than I expected -- but in the end, he found a way to choke in Carnoustie. At least it was to Irish cutie Padraig Harrington.
Trophies and flags are for winners, Serge. Plates are for losers.
Word Up to Tony Gwynn
The Phillies are lucky enough to be playing in San Diego this weekend during all the festivities honoring Tony Gwynn- who is getting inducted into Cooperstown next weekend. Gaslamp Ball has a great first-hand account of the Gwynn statue unveiling from last night -- but right before that, the Padres played a cool tribute video to Tony on the jumbotron in Petco Park.
I applaud the Padres' musical selection on this one - and had to share.
Tony is one of the greatest ballplayers to play the game in my lifetime (and he has been in the broadcast booth for the whole Phillies-Padres series, which is priceless)- and he's a class act to boot.
A Grand Entry, A Grand Exit
Jon Lester and Craig Biggio are having one hell of a week. Two guys that are inspirations on the field- and off. Two guys for whom that oft-bandied word "hero" could, and should, apply- though neither one of them would want that label.
On Monday, Jon Lester made his triumphant return to The Show, after being diagnosed with cancer last summer- at the age of just 22. At the time, the news was a kick in the gut to Red Sox fans everywhere, who watched him quickly blossom in his first season as a starter. How could a kid with so much promise, with such a sweet personality and hard-working ethic- how could a kid like that face cancer? Everyone crossed their fingers and hoped for the best for Jon, but there was also kind of an unspoken sense of loss for him. The road to beating cancer would be difficult enough, and the possibility of him ever returning to baseball was the last thing people were worried about.
But the thing was: Jon really didn't ever seem to buy into that mindset. He pitched his last time in August, left the game, and quietly went about his battle... and by December he was declared cancer-free. He showed up in Fort Myers for Spring Training, shocking just about everyone- except for Jon Lester. He went through the paces in Florida, and then in A-ball, and then AAA-ball for the PawSox, quickly, quietly and efficiently rehabbing his way back, once again shocking just about everyone- except Jon Lester. And then came the call from Boston on Sunday, and he was on his way to Cleveland to take the hill. The fans and the media and his teammates all went a little crazy on his behalf, amazed and excited and proud and nervous and awed. But Jon just quietly went about his business, slapping hands with everyone in the dugout, and then taking down the Indians over 6 innings- and getting the W. Shocking just about everyone, except Jon Lester.
And then there's Craig Biggio- my first baseball boyfriend, a Houston sports icon and tireless devotee of charity, a guy who I've written schmoopily about before, and who I once again find myself getting teary-eyed about. Craig announced his retirement, choosing to go out with a bang (3,000+ of 'em, really) instead of fading away into the sunset. It's the end of an era for me, because for my entire life as a baseball fan, Craig has been there. He was the main reason I ever became a baseball fan in the first place, and next to my Dad, is the person I love the most for giving me the gift of baseball. I literally cannot imagine baseball without him- and reading his goodbye made me cry like losing an old friend. He's a class act, a consummate professional, a hard-working student of the game, who never sought the spotlight and never cared to be a star. He just quietly went about becoming the face of baseball for a generation of kids in South Texas, and the soul of baseball in Houston.
One kid on his way up, one legend on his way out. And in a week that brings us so much negative sports news, it's guys like Jon and Craig - heroes, inspirations, just darned good men - that remind you just why we're all sports fans.
Papyboo Goes Nine Innings
I've said it before, I'll say it again: giving Jonathan Papelbon an open mic is a thing of wonder and beauty. He's got those weekly Friendly's Scoop segments, but that and the few minutes of occasional post-game interviews are just not enough to contain his awesomeness.
Case in point: Tina Cervasio did the "Nine Innings" feature with him before Tuesday's game in Cleveland- and he delivers again with all kinds of gems. We learn that the AL batter who "rakes him" the most is Frank Catalanotto. Funniest guy on the Sox? Big Papi (though Doug Mirabelli also gets a mention). He likes to eat PB&J before games. He would not want to face off against Coco at the plate. His favorite city to play in? L.A. Not because of the baseball, but because he gets tons of free stuff from Quiksilver while he's there. And he talks about moose hunting- which is always a treat. (His hair style deserves honorable mention for its outstanding performance.)
NESN: PAPYBOO NEEDS HIS OWN WEEKLY SHOW. Where he can talk for an hour about whatever the hell he pleases, and bring on random Sox guests (or whoever else he wants). Hell, give him a DAILY show- there is definitely enough content there. Make it happen.
Special Delivery: DWright
What's better than a commercial featuring David Wright in deliveryman's uniform? A commercial featuring DWright and several FDNY firemen. The face of the Mets was out on the streets of NYC yesterday filming the newest Vitamin Water commercial- and lookin' fine (nice pants! and love that jaunty "david" nameplate on the shirt).
He makes a deliveryman's uni hot, y'all. This is a skill that cannot be overestimated.
All credit to Gothamist for the photo - and to Metsgrrl for the tip.
Why didn't they just get VY to do this? (also, seriously- why the hell the EA geniuses thought it was a grand idea to produce an ad giving a Horn fan jealous envy of Adrian Peterson, when we spanked him twice, is beyond me)
Dustin Pedroia: Barkin' At Ya
Do not mess with Mighty Mouse.
Fausto Carmona found that out when he drilled Dustin Pedroia in the back in the 4th inning of tonight's game in Cleveland, and Dustin barked out an f-bomb as he took first base. The best part isn't that cute little Mighty Mouse said "fuck" clear as day on camera, it's that the Indians broadcast team clutched their pearls in shock like old ladies when they saw Dustin drop the f-bomb.
A ballplayer who cusses! I do declare!
Then, to make matters worse, Dustin was buzzed near his head the next time he came up to bat- and the Cleveland commentators then proceeded to say he needs to shut up about it. So what if he got hit the last time at bat? Yes, it is complete and total accident and coincidence that Dustin got pegged one at-bat, and then buzzed the next time. Dustin is clearly insane for thinking that maybe, possibly, Carmona is doing it on purpose.
And they also dismiss any beef Dustin has with the idea that they might "wanna show Pedroia some tapes of when Pedro pitched for Boston." That argument is a perfectly logical one, no doubt. Carmona clearly has the right to bean Dustin because a guy that used to play for the same team three years ago (before Dustin even showed up in Boston) also used to bean people. Makes perfect sense!
I've got video of the second incident after the jump... and how come the umpire gives the crazy eyes to Dustin, and says not a word of warning to the pitcher? (I am clearly biased here, I know)
A nice old-fashioned game of tag ended in TRAGEDY, when baseball boyfriend Aaron Rowandinjured his left shoulder (it was either a "strain" or a "tweak", depending on the news source). With Chutley out of the lineup thanks to a broken hand (courtesy of Enemy No. 1 John Lannan), the last thing Cholly needed was a gang of wild children terrorizing his all-star centerfielder into a freak injury.
Beware, folks- that innocent-looking child trying to taunt you into a game of tag may be an undercover operative from a rival team (I'm looking at you, METS) trying to put you on the DL.
During the broadcast of tonight's Cubs-Giants game, it was announced that the Cubs have acquired Jason Kendall from the A's (for catcher Rob Bowen and minor leaguer Jerry Blevins-- plus cash from the A's, according to Fox).
Pitch the Cubs to a W.
