The awesome thing about living in Chicago is that... I live in Chicago. Yards away from Wrigley Field and the bars of Wrigleyville. The awful thing about living in Chicago is that... I live in Chicago. So when the White Sox and Red Sox face off, my NESN broadcast is blacked out, and I'm forced to watch the White Sox crew on Comcast.

I'm not anti-Palehose, by any stretch of the imagination. I love going to games at the Cell, they field one hell of a nice-looking team, and it's kind of hard to hate on the underdog local team that is perpetually ignored and forgotten in favor of my Cubbies. But listening to the opposing team call a Red Sox home game (especially a game that the Red Sox lose) borders on torture. You can only hear Hawk say "HE GONE" so many times before you want to plug your ears.

What I Learned From the White Sox Broadcast Team:

1. Official time on the rain delay: 1:56.

2. They did not know "Dice-K" was how you pronounced his name. They thought it was a nickname, for "something" + "strikeout".

3. If you were to say Daisuke's name in English, you would say "Die-soo-key". (I'm not sure why you would say it that way "in English" since a name is pronounced the same no matter what country you are in.) They think that because we pronounce "Matsuzaka" phonetically, we should really all be calling him "Die-soo-key". This entire exchange made perfect sense to the 2 of them.

4. Dice-K's "hesitation" at the top of his delivery (i.e. when he rocks slightly at the beginning of the wind-up) doesn't phase hitters at all. How they know this, I don't know. Can they read the thoughts of all the batters that have faced him?

5. They could not remember the name of Dice-K's "funky pitch". Seriously.

6. Based on their time playing in Japan, they can certify that Dice-K is "unique". GREAT insight, there.

7. They don't like to see stars from Japan come over here, because it has "taken the meat" out of their baseball "over there".

8. The fans at Fenway are like the White Sox fans because they "have a lot of energy". But the White Sox fans have more! There were lots of instances of comparing the two clubs, and somehow the White Sox always seemed to come out slightly ahead in every respect.

9. Red Sox fans also are like White Sox fans because they like blue-collar players like... Coco Crisp (???) Tek, I buy. Lowell, I buy. Timlin, I buy. But Coco? Okayyyyyyy....

10. David Ortiz is a "good" hitter. Don't go out on a limb, there.

11. Wily Mo Pena has a nice name. He is also a "massive human being" and "one thick dude". Every time he came up, there was another discussion of how large he was. WE GET IT.

12. You have to think the right way to be successful playing in Fenway. (as opposed, I suppose, to thinking the wrong way?)

13. Coco holds the bat like he's playing the flute. They would zoom in on his hands every time he was at-bat. They went on and on and ON about his hands.

14. All ballplayers think the two worst ballparks are Wrigley and Fenway. Because they're old.

15. When Papi bats, it's not the "Ted Williams shift"... it's the "Jim Thome shift". They also kept saying the word "shift" a lot, which sounded worse than I think they realized.

After 3+ hours of this, I think it's safe to say: we're through the looking glass here, people. NESN- COME BACK TO ME!