I broke the cardinal rule of a sports fan: never schedule a major life event such that it will conflict with a sport you care about.

Corollary One: Don't get married during football season, ever. No exceptions. Your team may have a bye week this year, but they won't again next year-- and your friends who are fans of different teams are screwed even if you aren't.

Corollary Two: Getting married during baseball season is not ideal, but could possibly be acceptable* as long as it is not done (a) on Opening Day weekend, or (b) during the last 6 weeks of the season.** If you are following Corollary One, (b) will not be a problem.

Corollary Three: Don't have an event during March Madness unless you are planning on having a wall of TVs showing all the games at the reception. I did go to an event once that had this, and it ruled- but 75% of the attendants spent the entire party in front of the TVs. So proceed with caution.

And now I can add:

Corollary Four: Don't move (or otherwise be unavailable all day) on Trade Deadline Day. It is painful. And unless you have a pal willing to regularly text you with updates (thanks, Clare!), you will go bananas. The Gwen Stefani kind of bananas.

You know when's a good time to get married? (1) February- after the Super Bowl, before March Madness; (2) during the All-Star break; (3) that week in December after the college football conference championships but before the Bowls start (provided you are not getting married on Sunday).

* For the record, this is not acceptable for me.
** I add an additional - "or (c) during my annual spring training trip".

Hello, Kyle. We haven't met before- mostly because you played for the Reds, and I couldn't give a rat's ass about that team. You're not a bad-looking dude, even though you have some unfortunate facial hair choices (but I don't hold that against Aaron Rowand or Josh Beckett, so I'm not gonna hold it against you). There's the whole born-in-Chico thing, but I can get past that (and it's not like you were born in freakin' Arkansas like a certain slowcamotive leftfielder). Your name written out looks kind of like "Loser", which is not good- but pronounced like "Lowsh", which is better.

But here's what's troubling: your 6-12 record and 4.58 ERA scare me, dude. If I can be frank, they kind of make me think you might stink. Like, stink pretty bad. I know you played for Cincinnati, so it's not like you were getting a lot of offensive help-- but 6-12? That's pretty bad.

So I'm going to be in the bleachers at Wrigley Field today for your debut for Philly - it's a day game, and is going to be approximately 1,000 degrees out, and I will have been drinking for 2 hours beforehand, so I'm not sure I'll be the most coherent fan around... but I will be there. All I ask is that you don't completely suck. We bounced Coolerpants Durbin to add you to the starting five, and I'd just like you to do better than he did. Plus, it's not like the Phillies pitching staff is full of aces (minus Cole) that are hard to live up to... you just have to do kind of good. That's all I ask.

Deal?

After attending a couple of the Cubs-Phillies games at Wrigley in Chicago during the week, two friends and I headed up to Milwaukee for the Phillies-Brewers three-game stand over the weekend. Here are some random observations from Miller Park:

* Chase Utley was out shagging balls in the outfield and fielding balls at 2B during BP on Saturday... one-handed, of course.

* Kyle Lohse threw a bullpen session during pre-game on Sunday.

* Aaron Rowand's extra bacon-y catch on Sunday was payback for Cory "Sunglasses at Night" Hart's HR-robbing catch in RF on Saturday.

* Jose "Table" Mesa got a save! AMAZING! Also, he has really nice calves. Who knew?

* Shane Victorino was out throwing the ball around full-force during BP on Saturday- and didn't appear to be favoring his injured leg at all. He was also Cholly's dugout buddy during the game on Saturday, and stood next to him for most of the game.

* The "Free Tibet" people were also in Milwaukee on Saturday. It seems they invaded several ballparks around the country.

* Who knew that batting Pat Burrell in the 3-hole would be such a success? Pat looked great (for him) at the plate when I saw him in Wrigley, and continued his hot streak when we saw him in Miller.

* Wes Helms was booed every time he came up to bat Friday through Sunday. Loudly.

* If looks could kill, Jayson Werth would be awaiting his murder trial for the look he gave a Brewer fan sitting on top of the Phils' dugout who cussed him out on Saturday.

* Apparently, there are mini-sausages, too - because they joined the regular-sized versions for a Tag-Team Sausage Race on Sunday.

* My random assortment of Phillies bobbleheads I've received as gifts now have a Chris Capuano buddy bobble to hang with.

* Don't let their nice reputation fool you- the Brewers fans were nasty as any fans I've been around (or, let me say, certain of the Brewers fans were). The beer was great, the tailgating was kickass, and the Milwaukee nightlife was fun (Water Street was a blast)- but their fans in the stands were pretty danged rude. Don't actively (and loudly) cheer for RyHo to join Chase on the DL. Don't accuse me of stealing your bobblehead doll. Don't tell my friend that Philly schools don't teach math when it's YOU who doesn't know how many runs scored. Don't tell me to have a fun time on the way back to Philly when (a) I didn't talk to you the whole game, (b) I don't live in Philly, and (c) you're a bandwagon fan who didn't even know the name of your own starting pitcher. And most of all, don't laugh in my face in disbelief that a GIRL knows how to score a game- and then condescendingly ask if I know the difference between backwards and forward K's.

Baseball Boyfriend Of The Day honors have to go to Brandon Moss (a.k.a. "The Hot PawSox Outfield Prospect Not Named Jacoby Ellsbury") for jumping in on the spur of the moment to take LF for the Red Sox in his major league debut.

Yes, I confess- the tattoo, grin and forearms are hot.

Sure, he made a rookie fielding mistake on a throw in to 3rd (that should really have gone to 2nd). Sure, he struck out with 2 men on base in the 9th to end the game. But considering he just got called up to The Show, unexpectedly finding himself in the game after Eric Hinske left on bereavement leave and Manny Ramirez got tossed in the 4th (for arguing balls and strikes, natch) and was able to manage to draw a walk, and not make an actual E? I consider that a success.

Plus, who else was I gonna give it to? Curt Schilling?

You hit his teammate (even if said teammate is a punk and a crybaby and a cheater, but whatever), and he's going to pitch your team through six shut-out innings... and then peg your budding superstar in the back. Awesome.

"I just wanted to discuss something with him before I left."

Awesome-r. I love you, Rocket.

Josh Beckett is not shy about telling people how awesome he is. He never has been. Normally, that kind of arrogance would piss me off - but somehow, it makes me love him all the more.

Josh Beckett also is not shy about cussing up a storm. He is completely uncensored when he deals with the media, and we all know how I feel about that.

Thanks to Surviving Grady for unearthing Reason #473972 why I love Josh Beckett, in the form of a May 2004 article from the Broward Palm Beach New Times:

After pitching a gem at the age of 23 to win the World Series in Yankee Stadium, all Marlins' ace Josh Beckett seemed to talk about was his plan to kill deer the next day. He rarely smiled, his answers were gruff, and his demeanor said, "This is no big deal for a stud like me." And all we could think was, "What a spoiled little punk."

Maybe being a royal jackass is what he needs to make him great on the mound, but when he reaches the peak of the magical mountain of all of sport, could he at least show a touch of grace or gratitude? Nu-uh. And he's even more unbearable this year, as a March 21 interview session after a spring training game in Fort Myers showed. A reporter asked him about Fox Sports Network babe Leeann Tweeden, his new girlfriend. "Do I have to listen to the same fucking questions again?" he said to the reporter, a friend of ours. Then Beckett said, "I have a big dick." The jerk from Texas looked over at veteran outfielder Gerald Williams. "It's even bigger than Gerald Williams' dick."

That? Is hilarious. Stupid questions deserve stupid answers, I say. I also love how the author seems to hate Josh as much for the fact that he's from Texas and hunts deer as for the fact that he was rude. Actually, I'm not sure what's funnier: Josh telling some dorky small-time newspaper reporter how well endowed he is, or the fact that some dorky small-time newspaper reporter thought that ANYONE should be looking to A-Rod for lessons in classy behavior.

I didn't think it was possible for me to heart Josh Beckett any more than I already did. I was so very, very wrong.

A full week has passed since the trade deadline, and now that I've had a bit of distance, I can be fair and balanced in giving my thoughts on the transactions. Awww, hell- who am I kidding? I'm still biased as before... I just finally have a chance to sit down and sort through it. So let's play Upgrade/Downgrade: Trade Deadline Edition!

Kyle Lohse: UPGRADE I may have been more than a little wary about Kyle joining the rotation in Philly- and his first outing I witnessed last week at Wrigley didn't inspire much confidence. But he looked pretty good last night when I saw him at CBP-- and, really, our pitching can use any help it can get.

Kason Gabbard / Eric Gagne: DOWNGRADE As much as I love me some crazy-ass Gagne, I'm much more disappointed to see Kason leave. We already have the best set-up man in the business with Okey-Dokey, and considering Schill's last outing, it would have been nice to keep around a solid starter to close out the season.

	Jarrod Saltalamacchia: UPGRADE Finally, the two-way (1B/C) cutie is out of the hateful blue and red of the Braves and into the much less objectionable blue and red of the Rangers. And when he catches Kason? That's officially now must-watch TV. Next thing you know, I'll actually start to care about the Rangers- and that will be unacceptable.
	Rob Mackowiak: DOWNGRADE Why do all of the Chicago boys (of North and South side varieties) end up in San Diego? I don't like the Padres... but now that they have Maddux, Mikey B & Robby - plus Germano, Young and PeavyPeavyPeavy? I kind of sort of like them. Only a little bit. This is a horrific development, and I blame the Rob trade.
	Scott Proctor: UPGRADE Thank you, baseball gods- for moving my secret shame crush from the hated Yankee pinstripes into the classic Dodger blue. He's not enough to make me like the Dodgers, but now I can finally give into my crush without feeling dirty and evil.

Yeah, I said it. Getting drenched in a downpour while watching a ballgame is fun. All of y'all at Citizens Bank Park last night who couldn't hack it, and went up underneath the overhang... I laugh at you. That's right- I think you're all weenies. Just pull on a ballcap, get another beer and enjoy getting soaked and watching a bunch of grown men slip and slide around in the slick grass, run through puddles and mud, and try and keep a grip on a wet ball.

Bacon Pants cannot believe people can't stick it out through a little rain.

Seriously- kicking back with a beer, and getting soaking wet in a downpour- with rain dripping big ol' drops off the brim of my ballcap and onto my scorecard (which withstood 3 innings of rain before I officially declared it toast) - the stands emptying of all the lackluster fans, so that I was surrounded only by the craziest Phanatics... that was pretty much heaven.

(Until Brett "Bert Eyebrows" Myers blew the save- but that's another story...)

You know who you are. It is SO on, you don't even know how ON it is. It is so on it is OFF. You're already scared- and you should be. When my Red Sox crush your silly little White Sox (and they will- and I will be there to witness it), this is the fate that awaits you:

And just for that Jeter crack this morning, the bet is now officially FOUR days. Sorry, dude- you mess with the bull, you get the horns.

Hope you look good in Yankee blue. And A-Rod sends you smooches.

Minor freakout moment last night at Citizens Bank Park, when Chris Roberson came trotting out in the top of the 2nd inning to center field-- and my #1 Baseball Boyfriend Aaron Rowand was nowhere to be found (after he played in the 1st). That's the lone disadvantage of being at a game in the stands, instead of watching it on TV: you have no idea what's going on when guys leave the field. Despite frantic calls and texts from our seats in CF, we couldn't figure out the story.

Turns out, Bacon Pants had blurred vision in his right eye - a problem that had cropped up in BP, and caused him to swing and miss (wildly) at a Chuck James changeup pitch in the 1st.

This development is so very frightening, I don't want to think about it. Instead, I will post cute pictures I took of Bacon and uber hottie Jeff Francoeur last night. Maybe Francs and Bacon can help take my mind off the scary thought of losing yet another Phillie to the DL (and my favorite Phillie, at that).

The Cubs have put in a waiver claim for White Sox OF Scott Podsednik- he of the Texan drawl and beautiful body, you know, one of the only reasons I like the White Sox to begin with - and reports out of Chicago are that a potential deal is being worked on. Scott could be a great stop gap while Soriano is out on the DL- though I do love Matt Murton.

While it's far from certain that Scotty could be roaming the OF at Wrigley, just hearing the news of the possibility of that is enough to make me a happy girl for the rest of the day.*

* Note to Josh Beckett: you know what would make me an EXTRAORDINARILY happy girl? You getting win #15. Make it happen.

I may not have been in Baltimore or have been able to watch a single pitch of his game, I may have been in the front row of LF at Citizens Bank Park (where the scenery is quite lovely, thanks to a certain Philly leftfielder)-- but clearly, my thoughts were on nothing but Josh Beckett on Saturday night.

drunken scorekeeping at its finest

By the end of the Phillies game, I'm pretty sure everyone sitting in my section was aware: (1) Josh Beckett had won #15, (2) Josh Beckett is hot, and (3) Josh Beckett kicks ass- because I think I made sure and told every single person. In my defense, how can anyone expect me to concentrate when (a) I can't watch Josh go after #15 live, (b) Adam Eaton is pitching, (3) the Phillies are losing to the stupid Braves, and (d) there is a slight chance I may possibly have been a little bit drunk? OK, I was a lot drunk - but it was Eaton! No Phillies fan can stay sober when confronted with that!

Big props to my friend Gwen for taking over scoring duties in the 3rd, and yet letting me backseat scorekeep over her shoulder. And writing "Coolerpants" beside J.D. Durbin's name for me. And letting me lean over and circle Josh's name throughout the game and squee over his win. And deciphering my way of scoring, and circling the out numbers like I do. And writing, "BACON!!" underneath Aaron's name for me. And for bringing me back TWO beers (and none for herself), when they'd only sell her two at a time. And for any other hijinks I may have gotten up to that I cannot recall. She's a rockstar.

Monday brought us all one step closer to the return of this beautiful sight:

Chase Utley got the once-over by a hand specialist (which isn't nearly as dirty as it sounds) on Monday, and is scheduled to begin "light tossing and hand exercises" with his injured hand on Tuesday. He's been fielding and shagging balls during BP since last week, but only one-handed; this news means he's now cleared to start using his broken right hand (albeit still in a splint).

When Chase returns, the Phils will be faced with the enviable "problem" of what to do with Tadahito Iguchi- signs seem to be that they'll try him at 3B (and he's taken some practice fielding there already). That would leave Dobbs able to platoon with Werth and Roberson in RF (and LF when Pat makes his normal defensive exit in most games) until Victorino comes off the DL.

Sox come from behind to win in the 9th.
Covelli Crisp puts together some offense.
Gagne... didn't suck.
Even more than that... Gagne- GOT THE WIN?

I feel like we've entered an alternate universe. Granted, our offense should have secured a W for Lester (zero runs, guys? come on!) -- but the Canadian Accent Mark didn't totally suck. WHOA.

Jon Lester looked fabulous - and I won't hear any arguments otherwise. Because there was all kinds of noise about how he's in a sophomore slump, not looking as sharp as his rookie season, and BLAH BLAH BLAH. Dude just beat cancer, and is making his first start back in the Fens - and so I'm inclined to cut him a little slack (especially when he holds the opposition to just one ER).

Bonus cute picture of hero Mike Lowell (thanks for that HR in the bottom of the 9th, sweetheart) getting mobbed with love by Big Papi and my baseball boyfriend Josh Beckett.

(plus, the Yankees got their ass handed to them by the Orioles, by a score of TWELVE TO NOTHING- always hilarious)

I my ongoing efforts to pretend today's day game never happened, I'm distracting myself with video from last night instead. More specifically, this post-game lockerroom interview segment with the much-maligned Eric Gagne -- who is, dare I say it, rather cute and cuddly here?

So that's how you know that Gagne's had a good day - he doesn't cuss. Against my better judgment, I find myself hearting him ever so slightly for referring to his cussfest after his last horrific outing.

Notice: they have his locker set up next to Clement. How awesome would it be if the pitching staff's lockers were arranged in order according to how well they're doing? Gagne being given the locker just ahead of a guy who's not back out of rehab assignments yet is pretty fitting. And imagine the preening between Papelbon and Beckett over who gets the #1 locker stall... except you just know Schilling would come in every day under cover of darkness and rearrange everything to put himself in the first space.

1. Looks like J.D. "Coolerpants" Durbin will be starting for the Phillies in place of Adam Eaton in the rotation- who has gone on the 15-day DL because of a "shoulder inflammation". Yeah, sure, I believe that- Eaton's out of the rotation because he's hurt, not because he sucked so bad on Saturday he drove me to drink.

2. Isn't Jonathan Papelbon quite the fancy pants, tooling around in an Aston Martin?

3. Was it money well spent by the Phillies on Russell Branyan? Well, he hit a game-winning 2-run homer in his first at-bat for the Phils, so I'm in the "yes" camp... for now. I reserve the right to change my opinion at any time.

4. A great reality check and inventory for the Red Sox fan who is on the ledge and ready to jump.

5. Carlos Zambrano sees your eephus and raises you a zeephus.

6. Non-baseball story alert! Hide your women and children, Barry Switzer is taking to the airwaves as a football analyst for XM radio.

7. So it sounds like the DRays had a rough trip to Boston- involving a fire alarm-pulling prankster in the team's hotel in the early hours of the morning they arrived.

8. Metsgrrl makes her first pilgramage to the holy land of Wrigley - and makes it out alive to tell the tale (and share a ton of great pictures).

And in the pitcher's spot:

9. Calculating chances to make the playoffs:
Boston Red Sox - 94.5%
Chicago Cubs - 34.4%
Philadelphia Phillies - 38.4%

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the one-man Web Gem... Aaron "Bacon Pants" Rowand!

After this, you would think he would be loathe to run headlong into outfield walls... but you would be so very wrong about that. He is ALL grinder. So when Dmitri "Da Meat Hook" Young popped a long fly ball to center field in tonight's Phillies-Nationals game at RFK, Aaron didn't hesitate to run straight into the wall in pursuit of the catch (and OF COURSE he made the play). In the words of the MASN broadcast team:

"He keeps going until some foreign object bigger than him makes him stop."

Is there anything he can't do? At this point, I'm thinking no- except for maybe stay in Philly after the season is over. Troubling sign? The Phillies' website shows Aaron in a White Sox ballcap. EEP!

Does the webmaster know something I don't?!?

Things will be quiet around here for a few days -- I'm shipping up to Boston today (Thursday), and will be at the weekend Red Sox-Angels series (and catching a PawSox game on Sunday as well). That means: yay Buchholz! yay Beckett! and hopefully a little of Papelbon as well.

In the meantime, I'll leave you with this classic piece of Sox video to enjoy while I'm gone.

Fucking Gagne. FUCKING GAGNE!

Three days. Three Red Sox games at Fenway, one PawSox game at McCoy. Three victories, one very sucky Canadian. Two Papyboo appearances, one save, at least 8 or 9 swoons. One Beckett outing, at least 6 more swoons. One shitty Youk call, two ejections. Two Jacoby appearances- one for big boy Sox, one for little brother Sox. One very big debut win by Clay Buchholz. Unending Manny & Papi hugs, one injured Dougie Fresh, and a freakin' grand slam. BIRTHDAY ON THE MONSTER, complete with Sam Horn, CHB, Doug Flutie & Bobby Doerr meetings, and as many pictures with the World Series trophy as I could take without getting arrested.

Yeah- it was a little bit fun.

I've got to sort through the thousands (no really) of photos I took from Friday through Sunday, and I'll be sure and post the best of those when I'm done -- but for now, here's my Top 5 Random Observations, plus a few photos to serve as placeholders.

1. Kyle Snyder has ADHD. I'm almost sure of it. He is physically incapable of sitting still. The Monster seats afforded me a bird's eye view of the bullpen, and every single time I looked over, Kyle was moving around or fidgeting in some manner. He had a stick he would roll around on his legs and/or use to paddle his legs (very lightly, I hope). He would pace back and forth from one length of the bullpen to the other. He would hang on the lip of the bullpen roof by his arms, with his long ol' legs tucked up behind him. Someone needs to get him a ball of yarn or other playtoy to occupy himself with.

2. Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz are addicted to hugs. On Saturday, we were one of the few lucky folks to get into the ballpark earlier than normal, 3 hours before the game, and so got to see all of the Sox pregame warmups and BP... and about 100 Manny/Papi sandwich hugs. Manny would grab someone (usually an Angels player), and Papi would sandwich him. Papi would grab someone, and then Manny would join in on the sandwich. One time, Papi grabbed ahold of someone (I'm 99% sure it was Izturis) and was trying to get Manny's attention to come over and hug with them, but Manny was standing a little bit aways talking and didn't notice... so Papi just picked Izturis up off the ground and hopped over to Manny with Izturis still in his big old bear hug.

3. Kevin Youkilis ain't nothing to mess with. I thought he was going to take the ump's head off at that bad call on Friday night- we were sitting about 10 feet away from that exchange, and it was not pretty.

4. Manny Delcarmen is Irish. That is the only logical explanation for what I witnessed Saturday night- when Papelbon went in to be awesome (like always), and his closer's music "Shipping Up To Boston" started playing, Manny stood up from the bullpen bench and did a full-on Irish jig. That went on for almost a minute. And even when he sat back down again, he kept kicking his legs out in front of him in a little jig. It was so very awesome- I just wish NESN would have gotten it on film (I'm not even sure the people sitting in the bleachers could see it, because he was standing up underneath the pen roof).

5. Jonathan Papelbon has a new job- bodyguard. When Papyboo made his normal stroll out to the pen in the middle of Saturday night's game, Eric "I Suck Ass, Canadian-Style" Gagne tagged along beside him, possibly in hopes of blending in to the background next to the blinding glow of Papyboo's awesomeness. It didn't work- Gagne got loudly booed.

View from my seat for Friday day game


Friday night seats- Joshie Beckett artfully blurry in the background


Moon over Fenway for my birthday on the Monster on Saturday


Rhode Island in the house


Ain't that just the purtiest thing?

Edited: Someone a lot more disciplined than me has some more in-depth firsthand thoughts from Friday night as well.

You can get an in-depth recap of yesterday's Red Sox-Devil Rays game anywhere - instead, I'm gonna give you five random snapshots from the game (all courtesy of FSN Florida's broacast).

Sleepy Papi


"I wonder how long he'll keep talking to me if I don't look at him?"


AFLAC Trivia Question: What Sox player's nickname is "Ronnie Mac"?


Manny Delcarmen digging for gold


Big wink from Mikey Lowell

Class is in session, folks- so pay attention to Professor Papyboo, the only living expert in the fascinating subject he calls "The Biomechanics of Jonathan Papelbon". (yes, he really calls it that) Today's subject? THE SLUTTER, which may or may not be named in honor of current or ex-girlfriends of certain other members of the pitching staff, but is in fact a brand new pitch invented by your Professor. That's right, he's not just a closer, a reporter, a lawn mower and a moose hunter, he's also an inventor. From the Providence Journal:

"It's a cross between a slider and a cutter," insisted Papelbon. "It's not a true slider. It's not a true cutter. When I throw it, I don't pronate (downward twisting motion with his fingers) when I let the ball go. I leave my palm (up). I kind of cut the ball. That's the angle it comes out."

Why the need for a new pitch? From the Boston Globe:

"I kind of turned the cutter, because it didn't work, into the slutter," said Papelbon. "I consider inventing a pitch a lot harder than saving 30 games back to back."

And what do his teammates think about the Professor's latest invention?

Kyle Snyder: "It's a slider," said Snyder, shaking his head with a bemused look on his face. And while Papelbon was talking to reporters about the pitch, Snyder stood behind him, mouthing the words, "Don't print that . . ."

Jason Varitek: "I let Pap talk about Pap. Pap's like Rickey (Henderson)." and "Whatever, Pap," said a smiling Varitek. "Just throw the ball, Pap."

Think you got it now? Check out the Professor in action as he demonstrates for the class his new invention-- the slutter makes its debut appearance in his very first pitch against Johnny Gomes. Watch and marvel.

Time for a second lesson with Professor Papyboo on the greatest innovation to come out of baseball since the slurve (and this new one is way more fun to say) -- the slutter. NESN spent approximately 70% of the pregame show tonight talking about it, and got Papelbon to weigh in on the subject during an on-field interview with Tina Cervasio:

I'm sorry, NESN, but despite your reticence to use its real name, we're never going to call the slutter a "slider-cutter combo". THE SLUTTER IS HERE TO STAY!

Also, Papyboo- don't be shy! Claim your rightful place as the esteemed innovator of the slutter.

For the first time, my Baseball Boyfriend of the Day is not to be found on the roster of the Cubs, Phillies or Red Sox. He's the former Brave with the longest name around, the 6'5" catcher/1B double threat who popped 2 homers and drove in 7 RBI for the Rangers tonight in their record-breaking THIRTY RUN game victory over the O's- and helped Kason Gabbard get his 6th W this year. And if I'm giving this to a guy with the stink of the Braves barely off his back, you know he has to be something special. Jarrod Saltalamacchia- come on down!

Cutest part of the night? Salty went out to bat with a lefty's batting helmet, when he was supposed to be hitting right- and sheepishly ran back to get the right helmet when he realized his mistake.

Honorable Mentions: Kason Gabbard, Dustin Pedroia, Jake Peavy.

So I was all geared up to see Becketty-Boo pitch tonight, and despite the TORNADOES all around Chicago today, and the GALE-FORCE WINDS that ripped up buildings all around Wrigleyville today (anyone remember that building next to Wrigley that used to be a car wash and bike check on game days? yep- that roof blew away and the building collapsed)... I was all about riding the El down to the South Side for the Red Sox- White Sox game. How could I not? It's Beckett!

But Mother Nature was not cooperative.

When I got to the Cell and the tarp was still on, that was not a good sign. We all chilled in the downpour, drinking beer and waiting for it to clear. At about 7:45, the Sox put a notice up on the scoreboard that the rain was supposed to clear within the hour. And since they kept serving beer, we kept hanging around. Even after one whole deck of lights went out, and the big gigundo lights on the top of the field flickered ominously a few times.

About 8:30-ish the rain magically stopped, and the first one on the field within SECONDS of it stopping was Beckett. He ran a few laps and started his stretches, all before another single soul got out on the grass- including the grounds crew. Tek came out about 15 minutes afterwards, and the two of them started their normal pregame ritual.

And then the rain started again. And then it turned into a downpour. And then the lightning and thunder returned. And then Ozzie walked around the White Sox dugout doing the old throat-slitting gesture that is universal for "it's over, baby."

So it's a doubleheader tomorrow for me- let's just hope the rain holds out long enough to get two games in. At least I hope we can get Beckett out on the mound.

Separated by about 65 miles or so, my two Baseball Boyfriends Of The Day were hard at work making some spectacular plays on the diamond. My first BBOTD is Aaron Rowand, who ran himself ragged in Philadelphia during the second inning against the Padres.

First was a pickoff attempt that necessitated a slide back into first base. Then a seemingly successful steal attempt, which was called back after the home plate ump (absolutely INcorrectly) ruled the batter had foul tipped the pitch. Then another dive back to 1st on another pickoff attempt. And then another pickoff attempt and jump back. Another steal attempt that was foiled when the batter fouled off the pitch. The batter finally gets a clean ball off the bat- only to be caught by the LF which sends Aaron scrambling back to first... but the Padres' first baseman misses the catch and Aaron has to turn right around and run back to 2B. By this time, he's doubled over in exhaustion- and gasping for breath in the humidity. But he's not done yet! Another fly ball, another tag up and sprint and slide- this time for third base. All his work for nothing, as the bats behind him leave him stranded on 3B at the end of the inning- but he ran enough to have scored 2 or 3 times over. And I'm pretty sure by the end of it almost every square inch of his uni was covered in dirt (and torn in at least one place).

That exhausted me just typing it. How about some video to relive the ordeal?

My second Baseball Boyfriend of the Day is Chase Utley- who made his second and final rehab appearance up the road in Reading for the R-Phils. He made a Web Gems-worthy diving catch in the OF (which looked for a moment like it caused him to fall weirdly on that injured wrist... before he hopped up from the ground). He's scheduled to be back in the lineup for the big boy Phillies on Monday... hooray!

I may or may not be extremely jealous.* I may or may not have coveted a certain Papelbon lunchbox so much, that I went to sign up for Kid Sox Nation.* I may or may not have cried out in abject misery when I discovered that they were all sold out of Kid Sox Nation memberships.* SOLD OUT?!?!? That means I don't get to have my very own Jonathan P. Lunchbox! Life is so unfair!

* OK, each of things absolutely did happen. There is no "may or may not" about it.

This is part 3 in our continuing series: "Josh Beckett Gets Pissed and Cusses A Bunch". Today's installment is brought to you courtesy of Josh's crappy 1st inning performance in Friday's day game against the White Sox. Since I was sitting 5 rows off the field behind the Red Sox batter's circle, I can definitely confirm it was crappy indeed- and Josh knew it. When you walk three batters, including walking in a run, it's bad. When you're playing the White Sox and do that in the very first inning out of the gate? It's awful.

But it seems Josh is trying out this new thing where he remains completely stone-faced on the field, not showing any emotion or reaction-- whether he does well (last Friday against the Angels) or horrific (this Friday against the Palehose). No pumping fists, no cussing out A.J. Pierzynski, no growling or hollering. But when he gets back to the dugout? That's when the Josh we all know and love returns.

To wit, when he got back to the dugout and threw down his cap in frustration, Josh screamed (to himself, and no one else in particular): "Goddamnit! Throw a fucking strike!"

Indeed, Josh.

That's the sound of a sweep. A clean sweep. A four-game sweep. A sweep of total domination.

I believe that's also the sound of gleeful joy, coming from the vicinity of Comerica Park, from a certain pinstriped third baseman. Why? Because he knows that very soon, a certain someone will become his newest fan. He's awfully excited about that.

And don't forget- I will require photographic proof of the fulfillment of the terms of the wager. Three days PLUS you have to wear your A-Rod shirt the next time you take in a game at the Cell. It's not that I don't trust you- it's that I just don't think the victory is complete without tangible spoils.

Boston Red Sox vs. Chicago White Sox 11-3 August 24, 2007 1:05pm CDT W: Beckett / L: Garland PHOTO GALLERY

I took roughly one bajillion photos (OK, closer to 300) of Friday's day game, and I've uploaded them all to Flickr for your perusal and enjoyment. I've also created a complete thumbnail gallery of the whole set, so you can easily pick out and go straight to your favorites.

My affection for Dustin Pedroia has grown by leaps and bounds over this season. He's a little firecracker, a throwback, a gamer, scrappy enough to earn his nickname of Scrappy-Doo. And the citizens of Red Sox Nation aren't the only fans of Lil' Dusty P - his college coach from Arizona State, Pat Murphy, is a big Dusty fan- and Coach Murphy had a ton of interesting stuff to say about Dustin. This article is a GOLD MINE for funny Dusty P stories. Some highlights?

"[T]his kid every game when we were facing a pretty good pitcher from Wichita State or Duke or something he'd lead off the game and hit a line drive and come running past the pitcher yelling 'you better get used to it... I'm going to be hitting rockets off you all day.' Then he hits a home run against [Mike] Pelfrey and he yells to him '97 mph coming in and 197 mph going out' as he's rounding the bases. He'd just be chirping the whole game."

"He's really willed his way to the big leagues... he really has. Let's break it down: He's 5-foot-6, he's can't run, he's not strong, his bat speed and his hands are tremendous because his arms are only about 11 inches long and so close to his body that he's not getting to anything hit 5 or 6 inches to the right or left of him and he doesn't have a lick of athletic ability... yet he's a rookie of the year candidate."

"Mike Gallego is a good friend of mine and I used to tell [Pedroia] that he reminded me of Gags. That used to piss Pedroia off. He would say 'Mike [expletive] Gallego, are you [expletive] me?' and he would say that all the way back when he was a freshman."

And my favorite of all:

"[T]hen Pedroia walks by, flexes and then says 'Hey Murph check out these guns, man.' The guy has the biceps of a six-year-old, he has no business wearing a shirt with cut-off sleeves and I'm getting blinded by the shine from the head of a college freshman that's going bald; then he just proceeded to go out and make every play."

Huge thanks to 12 eight for the tip on this fabulous article.

The Chut has returned! Chase Utley came roaring back from the DL today, going 3-for-5 -- including a double and a homerun -- in the Phillies 9-2 pounding of NL East foe Mets.

Of course this means that Chase Utley- you are my Baseball Boyfriend Of The Day. How in the world did the Phillies survive without him for a month? "Duct tape and Motrin," says Jimmy Rollins. I'm inclined to agree.

The day has finally come: we have video of Jonathan Papelbon playing Scrabble. What's more, we have video of Jonathan Papelbon: (a) getting schooled in the rules of Scrabble, (b) losing a Scrabble game, and (c) autographing the scorecard with "I'm A Loser".

Is it just me, or does he look slightly perturbed that his auctioned-off Scrabble game for charity turned into a serious butt-kicking by two random people?

Thanks to NESN and the Red Sox Report for catching this gem on film.

It is time.

In celebration of this most auspicious of occasions, I'll be posting a few video clips throughout the day, just to set the mood and get everyone pumped for tonight.

LET'S! GO! SOX!

Note: there's no sound for the first 25 seconds or so- someone tacked on the original pitch that kicked off the brawl, and that part of the clip doesn't have audio.