I may or may not be extremely jealous.* I may or may not have coveted a certain Papelbon lunchbox so much, that I went to sign up for Kid Sox Nation.* I may or may not have cried out in abject misery when I discovered that they were all sold out of Kid Sox Nation memberships.* SOLD OUT?!?!? That means I don't get to have my very own Jonathan P. Lunchbox! Life is so unfair!

* OK, each of things absolutely did happen. There is no "may or may not" about it.

This is part 3 in our continuing series: "Josh Beckett Gets Pissed and Cusses A Bunch". Today's installment is brought to you courtesy of Josh's crappy 1st inning performance in Friday's day game against the White Sox. Since I was sitting 5 rows off the field behind the Red Sox batter's circle, I can definitely confirm it was crappy indeed- and Josh knew it. When you walk three batters, including walking in a run, it's bad. When you're playing the White Sox and do that in the very first inning out of the gate? It's awful.

But it seems Josh is trying out this new thing where he remains completely stone-faced on the field, not showing any emotion or reaction-- whether he does well (last Friday against the Angels) or horrific (this Friday against the Palehose). No pumping fists, no cussing out A.J. Pierzynski, no growling or hollering. But when he gets back to the dugout? That's when the Josh we all know and love returns.

To wit, when he got back to the dugout and threw down his cap in frustration, Josh screamed (to himself, and no one else in particular): "Goddamnit! Throw a fucking strike!"

Indeed, Josh.

That's the sound of a sweep. A clean sweep. A four-game sweep. A sweep of total domination.

I believe that's also the sound of gleeful joy, coming from the vicinity of Comerica Park, from a certain pinstriped third baseman. Why? Because he knows that very soon, a certain someone will become his newest fan. He's awfully excited about that.

And don't forget- I will require photographic proof of the fulfillment of the terms of the wager. Three days PLUS you have to wear your A-Rod shirt the next time you take in a game at the Cell. It's not that I don't trust you- it's that I just don't think the victory is complete without tangible spoils.

Boston Red Sox vs. Chicago White Sox 11-3 August 24, 2007 1:05pm CDT W: Beckett / L: Garland PHOTO GALLERY

I took roughly one bajillion photos (OK, closer to 300) of Friday's day game, and I've uploaded them all to Flickr for your perusal and enjoyment. I've also created a complete thumbnail gallery of the whole set, so you can easily pick out and go straight to your favorites.

My affection for Dustin Pedroia has grown by leaps and bounds over this season. He's a little firecracker, a throwback, a gamer, scrappy enough to earn his nickname of Scrappy-Doo. And the citizens of Red Sox Nation aren't the only fans of Lil' Dusty P - his college coach from Arizona State, Pat Murphy, is a big Dusty fan- and Coach Murphy had a ton of interesting stuff to say about Dustin. This article is a GOLD MINE for funny Dusty P stories. Some highlights?

"[T]his kid every game when we were facing a pretty good pitcher from Wichita State or Duke or something he'd lead off the game and hit a line drive and come running past the pitcher yelling 'you better get used to it... I'm going to be hitting rockets off you all day.' Then he hits a home run against [Mike] Pelfrey and he yells to him '97 mph coming in and 197 mph going out' as he's rounding the bases. He'd just be chirping the whole game."

"He's really willed his way to the big leagues... he really has. Let's break it down: He's 5-foot-6, he's can't run, he's not strong, his bat speed and his hands are tremendous because his arms are only about 11 inches long and so close to his body that he's not getting to anything hit 5 or 6 inches to the right or left of him and he doesn't have a lick of athletic ability... yet he's a rookie of the year candidate."

"Mike Gallego is a good friend of mine and I used to tell [Pedroia] that he reminded me of Gags. That used to piss Pedroia off. He would say 'Mike [expletive] Gallego, are you [expletive] me?' and he would say that all the way back when he was a freshman."

And my favorite of all:

"[T]hen Pedroia walks by, flexes and then says 'Hey Murph check out these guns, man.' The guy has the biceps of a six-year-old, he has no business wearing a shirt with cut-off sleeves and I'm getting blinded by the shine from the head of a college freshman that's going bald; then he just proceeded to go out and make every play."

Huge thanks to 12 eight for the tip on this fabulous article.

The Chut has returned! Chase Utley came roaring back from the DL today, going 3-for-5 -- including a double and a homerun -- in the Phillies 9-2 pounding of NL East foe Mets.

Of course this means that Chase Utley- you are my Baseball Boyfriend Of The Day. How in the world did the Phillies survive without him for a month? "Duct tape and Motrin," says Jimmy Rollins. I'm inclined to agree.

The day has finally come: we have video of Jonathan Papelbon playing Scrabble. What's more, we have video of Jonathan Papelbon: (a) getting schooled in the rules of Scrabble, (b) losing a Scrabble game, and (c) autographing the scorecard with "I'm A Loser".

Is it just me, or does he look slightly perturbed that his auctioned-off Scrabble game for charity turned into a serious butt-kicking by two random people?

Thanks to NESN and the Red Sox Report for catching this gem on film.

It is time.

In celebration of this most auspicious of occasions, I'll be posting a few video clips throughout the day, just to set the mood and get everyone pumped for tonight.

LET'S! GO! SOX!

Note: there's no sound for the first 25 seconds or so- someone tacked on the original pitch that kicked off the brawl, and that part of the clip doesn't have audio.

Red Sox vs. Yankees.
Cubs vs. Brewers.
Phillies vs. Mets.

Today is pretty much like Christmas. You know, if Christmas was equal parts antagonizing pain and boundless joy. I have both a complete inability to concentrate or settle down -- and also a pure unadulterated blissful calm. It's a good thing I'm stocked up on bourbon.

Today will be my first visit to Yankee Stadium. Today will also be the first time that my childhood idol (Josh's childhood idol as well), the man who (with Nolan Ryan and Craig Biggio) is directly responsible for making me a baseball nut, faces off against my favorite starter, the man who is indirectly responsible for helping to make me a Red Sox nut. I can't think of a more perfect storm.

Roger on Josh: "I love that guy. I've gotten to know Josh a little bit and I really love the way he competes. He's a bulldog out there. He doesn't give in to anyone. He's got great stuff. I mean, you're not going to find too many guys in the league with an arm like that. But even more than the arm, he's tough as can be. He's got a great plan on what he's doing out there."

It's Texas Day in the Bronx- even if it's just Roger, Josh and I that realize it. And no matter what, this battle is going to be EPIC. I'll see y'all on the other side- and I promise to bring back lots of pictures.

So I went to Yankee Stadium. It was a beautiful, perfect day for baseball- the crowd was rowdy and ready to see some ball, but there was really no bile spewed (beforehand- after the game is a whole 'nother story). Everyone just seemed to be jazzed to be a part of that night's fireworks.

And then this happened. Josh lost control in the second inning. I thought he looked bad in that first inning against the White Sox- it felt like the train completely went off the rails tonight in the 2nd. He had the stuff- he was still pitching at 95mph+ with his 103rd pitch- he just had trouble with his control and spotting the pitches where he wanted them. And the Yanks took full advantage- to the tune of a career-worst THIRTEEN HITS against him. Logically speaking, despite the hitfest going on, Josh did manage to MOSTLY work his way out of jams- since the Yankees only mustered 4 runs on 14 total hits. It just didn't feel that way- that 2nd inning was brutal.

It also felt like the guys were off defensively as well. It seemed like all the balls hit by the Yanks just happened to fall short of our guys, or just happened to sneak past their outstretched gloves, or just happened to bounce around over their heads. And all of those can't just be bad luck. I just don't think the Sox defensive machine ever clicked- and the offense didn't help things with no hits through the 6th, when Papi finally popped that solo homer.

Even with all that, I'm so very glad to have been able to be a part of it all. Roger Clemens, perhaps my most favorite baseball player of all time, looked phenomenal- nowhere near his 45 years. I got to see my two favorites duel it out- I just wish the Good Guys could have pulled out the W. I'll upload all my pictures soon, but for now...

10 Random Thoughts

1. Doug Mirabelli took BP, and shagged balls. Notice also the second picture- this is how Curt Schilling stood for about 15 minutes. CURT: you are not on your Lay-Z boy at home in front of a football game. Please remove your hand from your pants.

2. Eric Gagne cut his hair. Yep, you read that right- the long crazy-ass Canadian curls are no more. He's high and tight now- and looks WAY better.

3. No Manny Ramirez in the lineup- but Manny did hang around the batting cage for a long while. He also shared several pieces of gum with David Ortiz- but no hugs were exchanged.

4. Jonathan Papelbon could not contain his excitement during BP. I saw him yawn BIG ol' yawns at least 5 times. Wake up, Papyboo!

5. Josh Beckett and Roger Clemens warmed up within a few yards of each other... for all of 30 seconds. Then Josh left the outfield and went to the pen, and Roger stayed out with the other Yanks. Josh and Roger did not speak or even acknowledge each other.

6. Josh looked off from the get-go. Roger was firing on all cylinders.

7. Alec Baldwin, Lorne Michaels, Penny Marshall & Paul McCartney were all sitting front row together behind home plate. Kevin Bacon was also at the game, but must've had a less plush seating arrangement- although they put him up on the Jumbotron 3 different times (including once while playing "Footloose" -- and Kevin obliged with a little dance in his seat).

8. After that horrific second inning, Josh walked up near home plate and waited to talk to the home plate ump before going in the dugout. He covered his mouth with his glove, but I'd bet the discussion centered on the ump's strike zone calls in that innning.

Josh walking back to dugout after talking to the home plate ump

9. Josh got several visits to the mound from Jason Varitek and Coach Farrell. One inning (I think it was the 6th), Coach came out and they had a whole infield meeting on the mound. After another pitch or two, Tek called time and started walking towards the mound again- and Josh gave Tek a visibly pissy look and rolled his eyes. I think by that point, he was in full ANGRY!JOSH! mode, and let his own irritation at himself slip and cause a flare at Tek. Other than that, and one time where he pointed at Lugo (after the ball Lugo threw to 1st didn't make it in time to get the out), there were no Josh emotions on display. He was stonefaced. I cannot vouch for the health of the watercoolers in the dugout, however.

Josh glaring at Tek

10. Professor Kyle Farnsworth still looks ridiculous- and the Yankee fans hate him. He got booed louder than the Red Sox. He got booed louder than Gagne in Fenway. Mariano Rivera, on the other hand? That guy frightens me. He came in to the sounds of "Enter Sandman"- and it was almost like you could see the Sox visibly wilt.

I do have one GIANT complaint about Yankee Stadium- and that is all the people that congregate there because it's a place to see and be seen. The four douchebags in front of me knew fuck all about baseball and just talked on their cellphones and/or took pictures of themselves with their cellphone cameras the entire game. The three idiots behind me conducted a "All About Baseball" class for one of their group who didn't even know about balls and strikes. I know everyone has to learn about the game at some point- but Jesus H. Christ does it HAVE to be during one of the biggest games of the year? Half of the game these people were up and down, in and out of their seats - I doubt very seriously any of them would know the final score of the ballgame, much less who the pitchers were.

MOST OF ALL: DO NOT STAND UP WHILE A PLAY IS UNDERWAY. But I suppose when you treat a baseball game like a friggin' social event instead of, you know, A BASEBALL GAME, it doesn't occur to you that some people might like to actually see what's going on on the field.

On a day when I had three painful reasons to hate New York, Pat Burrell gave me two reasons to laugh at New York with his TWO homers today against the Mets en route to Philly's four-game sweep of their divisional rival. Pat's picked up the label "Met Killer" over the past few years thanks to his outstanding ability to shell the Mets pitching staff. Now it's official: with his homeruns today, 41 total, Pat Burrell has hit more homeruns off the Mets than anyone else playing the game.

For beating the tar out of the Metropolitans time and time again, Pat Burrell you are my Baseball Boyfriend of the Day.

So you're the Yankees. I know, I know- God help you... but just imagine. You're in the 9th inning against your hated rivals, you're ahead in the third game 5-0 and you're about to sweep the series at home. One of your guys was plunked in the first game, you returned the favor and dinged one of your rival's guys in the second game. Back in the last series you faced off against your rival, your nutty reliever buzzed your rival's first baseman in the head and caused a bench-clearing brawl. In this current series, in the current game, that same first baseman got called out after the umps conferred at the instigation of your club and reversed the ruling he was safe at third-- and your rival's first baseman hollered up a storm at that.

Hey, what a co-inki-dink- that same rival first baseman is up to bat again in the 9th! For some odd reason, your wicked good reliever whizzes a fastball right over his head. And for some even odder reason, he then whizzes a SECOND fastball right over his head again. Now you're the Yankees, remember? Please don't insult our intelligence and claim that your ace relief pitcher, who has pitched almost 12 scoreless innings and has a zero ERA, just ACCIDENTALLY buzzed your rival first baseman's head with a 95mph fastball. Twice.

I'll tell you one person who doesn't buy that horse hockey: Josh Beckett. And he made sure to voice his opinion quite vociferously from the dugout.

Yep- that's our Joshie. First it's a simple, "Get the fuck outta here!" Rather mild, by Josh standards. And then a more specific, "Get outta here you fuckin' c*nt!"** Joba the Hutt is a big boy, but I would be a tad bit terrified to see ANGRY!JOSH! hollering at me.

I'm pleased as punch to have Josh as our resident firebrand, because we can always count on him to deliver some emotion-- though lately he's taken to expressing that emotion in the dugout instead of on the mound or in the press room (boo!). And I'll also note that when Josh got pulled from Wednesday night's game after giving up the tater to A-Rod, and Tek walked out to the mound and asked him about what happened, he replied clear as day (on the YES feed, at least): "It was fucking stupid." He doesn't offer up bullshit, and he has no censor.... and I love him for it.

THOUGHT OF THE DAY: Brian Cashman looks like a cross between a balding Precious Moments figurine and Huckleberry Hound. I'm serious.

EDIT: MLB has just announced that Joba the Hutt will face a two-game suspension and a fine (of undisclosed amount) for his totally accidental and not-at-all-on-purpose game of slippy pitches yesterday.

** On further review by finer minds than I, I agree that Joshie is not dropping a c**ksucker bomb, but is in fact telling Joba that he will C-U-Next-Tuesday.

We are gathered here today to pay final respects to that most distinguished of hairstyles, the cousin of the Canadian Mullet of Ineptitude-- we are here to finally say goodbye to the Crazy Canadian Curls of Doom. Let's remember them how they once were (you know, last week at Fenway), back when their owner found new and inventive ways to screw up a ballgame- again and again and again....

And now we turn the page to a new chapter, one where the Crazy Canadian Curls of Doom have transformed themselves into... the Cunning Canadian Cut of Awesomeness. On this new page, it's the reverse tale of Samson, and by ridding himself of his long locks, Eric Gagne never blows another game and develops into a legitimate and dependable set-up man -- and we all ride off into the sunset happily ever after.

Right? RIGHT?!?!?

NESN has just reported that Wakefield is a late scratch for tonight's game, and Julian Tavarez will start in his place. Tina Cervasio reported that Wake is only expected to miss one game- and that doctors are looking at him more. Kevin Cash said he hadn't noticed any problems with Wake during Cash's workout with him this week.

What's more, Joba Chamberlain has been suspended by MLB for two games and fined an undisclosed amount. How fitting that it was our favorite MLB suit and yours, Bob Watson, who delivered the news. I'm glad they finally gave him something to do other than worry about Tito's shirt.

I'm off for the weekend- it's officially September tomorrow and college football is calling, so I'm headed to South Bend for the Notre Dame-Georgia Tech game tomorrow, and then down to lovely Indianapolis for NFL and Labor Day celebrations. Depending on my access to the intarwebs, I may post between now and Tuesday... or I may not.

If I don't get a chance to check with in before then, I'd like to leave you with two thoughts:

1. Go Cubbies! Go Phils! Go Sox!

2. The following, which you may or may not apply to a certain situation involving a certain team from the New England region and a certain relief pitcher from the New York area.

Big thanks to Married To The Sea for the hilarious photo.

Congratulations, Clay! We're so very lucky to have you.

Boston Red Sox vs. Los Angeles Angels 8-4 August 17, 2007 - 1:05pm CDT Fenway Park - Boston, MA W: Buchholz / L: Lackey / S: Papelbon PHOTO GALLERY

Since Clay Buchholz just made his second major league start- oh, and happened to THROW A NO HITTER along the way- I thought it was an excellent time to share my photos from his major league debut two weeks ago at Fenway. Hope you enjoy!