A "can of corn" is a can't-miss high fly ball, an easy catch an outfielder can (and should) make without any trouble.
Around here, a can of corn contains all the can't-miss posts I've run across during the week- great links that you can (and should) check out.
Jonathan Papelbon by the numbers- I just wish I was smart enough to understand them. [Fast Balls]
Now that the Sox have officially stamped their playoff passport, Ian voices his opinion on who should be on the 25-man roster. [Sox & Dawgs]
League Championship rings are for losers. [Home Run Derby]
I wasn't around to report on the awesomeness that was the Sox rookie hazing, but thank goodness for Dan who has all the details. [Red Sox Monster]
A brilliant dissection of the maelstrom of feelings of Sox fans as we head into the playoff stretch. Seriously, Beth is probably the best Sox writer out there- someone needs to be paying her a lot of money to do what she does. [Cursed To First]
Distract yourself from any Sox-related woes with the news that Big Papi is NOT struggling this year. [UmpBump]
You know who'd love the chance to beat up on some Devil Rays? Blaine Neal. [Baseball Heavy]
What really happened in the clubhouse after Saturday night's victory. [Respect the Tek]
The most perfect man in the history of the world... and I'm glad someone agrees with me. [Sons of Sam Malone]
Red Sox Baby Album
Danger! Cuteness overload alert! It's a parade of baby Sox, and no one is safe! Take a peek through a collection of photos of the Sox players as kids at your own peril- they're just too adorable for words.
Who could this cute baby be? Take a guess, and find out if you're right-- and see a ton more baby Sox pictures-- after the jump...
If anyone has any additional pictures of any of the Sox as kids, send 'em my way and I'll add them to the group.
In which I highlight noteworthy blogs for you to gather reconnaissance on the Red Sox upcoming opponent. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
Athletics Nation: premier A's blog with all the latest info, rumors and breaking news
Catfish Stew: all the latest news and notes on the team, plus great features
River Chat: brothers tag team to cover the A's and their AAA team, the River Cats
The Bullpen Baker: coolest sports blog idea ever- she bakes cookies for the A's bullpen and posts the recipes
A Conversation: Dice-K and Beckett
Dice-K: A penny for your thoughts, tall Texan.
Beckett: I'm just kind of all, what the fuck, dude? I mean, shit.
Dice-K: Yes, I believe I understand your frustration, oh wearer of hemp accessories, at the downturn in our team's recent production on the field. I, too, have found myself worried at times. But you must remember we've been dealing with a spate of injuries and fatigue- and this period, although taxing on us mentally and physically (and as difficult as it is for the fans), will be over soon. We have a spectacularly talented staff, and we will triumphantly proceed to postseason play and take our rightful place as victors over all the land- and we will be rewarded with trophies and parades and accolades and you and I shall celebrate as winners and embrace as brothers.
Beckett: I mean, did you SEE those devil rays they got in that giant tank in the outfield? They're all swimming around and kids are touching 'em and crap. Dude, that shit just ain't right.
Dice-K: Pardon?
Beckett: I wonder if they'd let me keep one of them rays in a water cooler in the dugout?
Dice-K: *goes back to pretending not to speak a word of English*
Goodbye to the Regular Season
Last night I attended what will probably be my last game of the regular season, to cap off what has been the craziest, most chaotic, most glorious season of baseball I've ever been a part of. I've been to 67 games this year- starting with 12 days of spring training down in Florida, and going right through last night's game at the Cell.
Along the way, I've seen 20 different teams and visited 10 ballparks in 9 cities, and that's not even counting the collegiate, minor league and spring training games. I've seen a miracle comeback (Boston-Baltimore on Mother's Day), a pitcher win #19 (Josh Beckett), a pair of legends (Roger Clemens, Tom Glavine), young guns (Cole Hamels, Dontrelle Willis), a rookie pitcher make his debut (Clay Buchholz), a "crowd" of 250 people (Phillies-Marlins raindelay in Miami), a grand slam (Big Papi vs. Angels), a dugout brawl (Zambrano-Barrett), a near-brawl (Phils-Marlins), a trio of fantastic closers (Papelbon, Rivera, Cordero), every pitcher in the Red Sox, Cubs and Phillies starting rotations, a crosstown rivalry (Cubs-Sox at the Cell), a rivalry for the ages (Sox-Yanks at Yankee Stadium) and the racing sausages (Milwaukee).
I've been rained on 4 times, rain delayed for 2+ hours twice, learned to appreciate (and even enjoy) lite ballpark beer, gotten 4 bobbleheads in ballpark giveaways, amassed a collection of 25 scorecards (one is incomplete, thanks to a downpour that rendered it illegible), even more ballcaps (no pink ones), a build-your-own Phanatic and a stuffed Oriole bird. I've had an immeasurable number of hot dogs and peanuts, taken thousands of pictures, sat next to the Marlins owner, sat up on the Green Monster on my birthday, done a shot with Aaron Rowand and got "the baseball" from Papelbon on the day of the Mother's Day Miracle.
In a sense, it was kind of fitting that my last regular season game was watching the White Sox and the Royals try and out-suck each other at the Cell. I never gave the Cell a chance until this year, and I've had a ton of fun over there (Bullpen Bar= best. invention. ever). Plus, there's a certain relief in being trapped at a ballpark, unable to see how your teams are doing- stuck only with that electronic scoreboard in right field that seems maddeningly slow to update. Crossing fingers every time your team takes the field that the little red light will flip over to indicate the turn of the inning without having that number of runs increase next to your opponent's name. Wondering what the heck could be taking so long for the 8th inning to end- has Gagne loaded the bases again? Watching your hated rivals' scores in wonder as one collapses (Yanks) and one near-comeback is thwarted (Mets). Ultimately, you just have to sort of let it all go when you realize there's nothing you can do to help, and that as these last regular season games dwindle away, whatever will be will be.
It's bittersweet to see this baseball season end- it's been a dream season for me to be able to travel around and be a part of so much baseball, and I'll probably not ever have an opportunity to have a summer like this again. But the Sox are guaranteed a postseason berth, and there are chances the Cubs and the Phils might make it as well- so now there's October to look forward to.
Anyone up for a postseason road trip?
Dustin Pedroia Can't Read
Pedro displays his sense of humor in this week's Sports Illustrated (the one with Papyboo on the cover, staring a hole into the souls of all who dare cross his path) when he's given the Pop Culture Grid treatment... always an excellent tool for random insights into athletes
I'm guessing since Lil' Dusty P hates cold weather (me, too, Dusty) he probably doesn't make his offseason home in Boston. And I would pay to watch Dustin play baseball on the Wii -- I wonder how many breakable items in his home have sacrificed their lives to him swinging the Wiimote?
courtesy Sports Illustrated
The Cover Boy Speaks
On tonight's Friendly's Scoop, Jonathan Papelbon got his first look at the new October 1st cover of Sports Illustrated with his intimidating stare looking out back at him. Apparently he just found out last night that he'd be the cover boy, and hadn't actually seen the cover photo until the FSN team showed it to him. He seemed pretty impressed with his blue steel looks ("No! No! It is [sexy]!"), and did a couple of fierce poses recreating the cover stare.
Papelbon also proclaimed he'd get another "3 or 4" magazine covers before long- and left the door open for lessons from Gisele for his next cover (but was properly horrified at the thought of showing his tan lines on a Swimsuit Edition).
This is the first time Papyboo's been on the cover of a national magazine- and I'd bet dollars to donuts that someone (not naming any names *coughJoshcough*) will anonymously plaster Papelbon's locker with cover photos of a certain other pitcher. You know, just to remind him that said certain other pitcher has been there and done that before.
And anyone who's concerned about that ol' SI cover jinx (like, for example, Theo Epstein- who apparently broke it to the guys gently about the cover, worried everyone would freak out about the curse), Papelbon cleared those fears away:
"Cinco Ocho don't get jinxed."
That's what I like to hear.
Until FSN has the video live on their website, here's some video of tonight's segment- where Papelbon also discusses celebrating the playoff spot and prepping for the postseason:
Two's A Crowd
The magic number is down to 2. This is much better than 3, but not near as fun as 1- and certainly not as stupendous as 0. With the Yankees' win tonight, the AL field is now officially set- Sox, Tribe, Angels and Yanks. It's only a question of who will face off against who and when.
In the meantime, I'll take "THINGS I'D DESPERATELY LIKE TO UN-SEE" for 500, Alex:
The disparity between that horrific sight above (why must he always look so skeevy?), and the non-celebration by the Sox after clinching a playoff spot speaks VOLUMES. One team is glad to skate in, the other isn't really satisfied until they've sewn up the division.
Re-Examining Those Preseason Predictions
As the days of this regular season dwindle away, I thought it would be fun to take a look back at what some of the experts predicted for this year's big awards.
On the NL side, neither Oswalt nor Zambrano are in any kind of contention for the Cy Young. And it's not Jose Reyes, but his teammate David Wright who is now being bandied about as a possible NL MVP.
Looking at the AL, not a single person mentioned Beckett or Sabathia (the two frontrunners) for Cy Young- but the A-Rod predictions are looking solid. Alex Gordon fizzled as a ROTY candidate, but Delmon Young put on a great showing.
Blogponents: Minnesota Twins
In which I highlight noteworthy blogs for you to gather reconnaissance on the Red Sox upcoming opponent. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
Twins Geek: insightful analysis on the Twins, and timely news updates
Lipgloss & Baseball: the Twins from a female perspective, and loaded with humor
Twinkie Town: SBN site that's updated daily with all the latest news & happenings
On The Road: pitcher Pat Neshek's personal site, where he talks about life in baseball
What Am I Thinking?
A. Tek's beard is to blame for distracting me with its scruffiness.
B. Is this the Twilight Zone? Because J.D. Drew just stole a base.
C. What in the fuck is a "Boof Bonser"?
D. What in the fuck is a "Minnesota"?
E. That asshole Papelbon dared me to leave 10 fast balls hanging high over the plate, and by god I'm going to win that bet even if random nobodies belt homeruns off of me, because no way am I losing anything to a dumb Mississippi redneck.
F. What would Waylon do?**
G. [long string of cuss words]
H. All of the above.
** Yes, that was a "What Would Waylon Do?" shirt Josh was sporting in his post-game press conference-- which was completely cuss-free because it was not in the least bit live.
Fun Fact
The last time the Twins closed out the season in Boston (40 years ago), the Red Sox clinched the AL pennant with the last game of the series on the last day of the season.
I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'...
Fashion Police - Part The First
You know what is wrong? THIS:
An Oakland ballcap masquerading as a Boston one? Wrong. Also wrong: Dodgers and Giants caps trying to latch on to the Red Sox bandwagon.
We have New Era's "MLB Twisted" line to thank for these atrocities. I know I've always wished* I could find a Red Sox ballcap in the colors of the Braves. Or the Mariners. Or the Cardinals. (or is that the Angels?) I'm so happy my wishes have been granted!
But as horrifically wrong as it is to see the Sox logo in San Francisco or Atlanta colors, it is just plain cruel to do this:
If New Era dared to put the lovely Boston "B" in Yankees colors, I would hurl. But if they blasphemed by putting that fugly interlocking NY in Boston red, white and navy? They would pay. Things would burn... I'm not sure what things, exactly, but stuff would go up in flames. Thank god they were smart enough not to cross that line- but I pity the Mets fans. Haven't they been through enough already?**
*this is a total and complete lie.
*as a Phillies fan, the answer to this is, of course: NO.
Red Sox win, Yanks lose - RED SOX WIN THE DIVISION.
Cubs win, Brewers lose - CUBS WIN THE DIVISION.
Phillies win, Mets lose - PHILLIES LEAD THE DIVISION.
WORDS FAIL ME. I am totally and completely speechless.
OH. MY. GOD.
I Have Seen Heaven, And It Is Glorious
It's been a helluva night. I live across the street from Wrigley Field, so about 10 minutes after the Sox clinched the AL East, my neighborhood spontaneously combusted when the Cubs clinched the NL Central. Mass hysteria with helicopters circling around and roads shut down and partying in the streets and it was glorious and awesome and indescribable and beautiful -- and while all the rest of those Cubs fans were partying hard, I was partying overtime in double duty, because... OH MY SWEET LORD THE SOX AND THE CUBS BOTH CLINCHED. It was awfully convenient for Wrigleyville to throw me a party so I could celebrate both at the same time.
And like I promised earlier, I'm giving you the video of the entire celebration and hoopla at Fenway tonight- from the moment that everyone realizes the Orioles just bunted their way to victory over the Yankees, until the NESN crew signed off over an hour later. I've got it in five bite-size clips for you, and I put up some notes detailing the highlights you'll find in each clip.
Beware: Beer and Bare Buttcheeks ahead!
FIRST CLIP
Highlights include:
* Papelbon jumping off a cooler in a jockstrap, with his ass cheeks hanging out for all the world to see. And what looks like a child-size tshirt barely covering his torso. Nice tats, babe- haven't seen those since your rookie hazing days.
* Beckett repeatedly screaming in disbelief, "HE ACTUALLY BUNTED!" Once as he's grabbing champagne, and then you can hear him randomly hollering it again in the background.
* Mike Timlin shoving people aside to get at the champagne and squealing "Geh out o' the weeeeeeeeeeee" - which roughly translates to "Get out of the way!" in Timlin-Scottish-squeal-speak.
* Papelbon lockerrom interview- where he bear hugs Dice-K, and keeps hollering OW! (probably because people are snapping his bare butt, which is hanging out the back of his jockstrap).
* Curt Schilling interview on the field- Shonda left early (oops!).
* Bullpen guys running out to spray the bullpen cop with champagne.
* Eric Hinske lockerrom interview where he chugs Bud Light in between answering questions.
* Alex Cora and Mike Lowell jumping up into the Fenway crowd.
After weathering a rough season, and even rougher criticism, lately a whole new J.D. Drew has stepped up to the plate and turned his slump around. And after belting what turned out to be the game-winning 3-run homer tonight, it's high time that I finally name J.D. Drew as my Baseball Boyfriend of the Day. I know- crazy, right?
And the victory tonight (combined with Cleveland's loss) ensures the Red Sox will have home field advantage in the playoffs- and get to pick which schedule they'd like to play. Which all but renders tomorrow's game completely pointless- so yay for NO MORE STRESS (for one day).
JD spoke with Tina Cervasio on the field after the game, and talked about the game and missing last night's celebration and the postseason.
This Is Your Closer
Ladies and Gentlemen: this is your closer.
As Remy said during tonight's broadcast, this is the guy that is going to lead us to the promised land. This is the man who is one of the most feared, most intimidating closers playing the game today. This is the guy whose ferocious penetrating stare makes grown men wet their pants, and whose nasty stuff on the mound makes grown men lose control of their bowels. This is the man who is the lights-out, rock solid foundation on which the entire Red Sox bullpen is built.
This is Jonathan Papelbon. And by god, I wouldn't have him any other way.
After the jump, PAPELBON VIDEO OVERLOAD! I've got a whole little smorgasbord of Jonathan videos- his goofing off with the cameras tonight, his irish jig and crazy dance with Youkilis last night, and the funny thigh-banging bullpen band he's formed with the other relievers.
