A little lethargic after the holiday weekend? A little slow finding that get-up-and-go after a long weekend of baseball, college football, booze, and more baseball? I think I've found the ticket to sit you right up and get your blood boiling, to make you good and pissed first thing in the morning: Eric Wilbur goes pee-pee in your Red Sox Cheerios. It's a blog entry from Friday, but I just saw it, and my blood pressure went right through the roof.

But wait- don't even bother reading that drivel, because Fire Joe Morgan rips apart the shoddy journalism six ways to Sunday. Some highlights from FJM:

[It's] the little-known MLB loophole (Rule 35.17 in the rulebook): "Performance in the last series of August shall be used to determine World Series championship eligibility, pursuant to Fieriness Clause in Rule 42.9." Red Sox got swept by the Yankees, as you recall, so they are ineligible for the World Series this year. Too bad, fans.

It's not enough to have the best record in baseball. It's not enough to have the best pitching staff. They're not special enough. Not special like the turd of a team the St. Louis Cardinals were last year. Not fire-breathing passionate personality monsters like the dynastic San Antonio Spurs are in basketball. Not emotional, constantly weeping, frighteningly volatile like Bill Belichick and the Patriots.

Gagne (facial hair! curses in French!)
Crisp (diving catches! leaps into walls!)
Buchholz (hugged a lot of people last night!)
Tavarez (once murdered a drifter with a mini-screwdriver!)

Hey Eric Wilbur, indolent means "slothful, lazy, idle." You really think a large percentage of Red Sox players are slothful, lazy, and idle? Okay, dude. Have fun telling them that.

Plus, nondescript? Tell me: which team, other than the Yankees, has more descript players than the fucking Boston fucking Red Sox? We're talking descript as hell here. Ortiz, Schilling, Manny, Dice-K, Papelbon, Beckett. These guys are unique, superfamous uberstars. Even the role players are descript: Youkilis is Moneyball-famous, Pedroia is three feet tall, Coco Crisp has a funny name, Wakefield throws a knuckler, Varitek is supposedly a god of intangibles. I'll tell you who's nondescript: the Pittsburgh Pirates.

And my personal favorite:

Unless you scream and curse and cry and pump your fist and chop your groin all at the same time, you will never be good at sports.

I hope our guys get to work on that! It sounds like it's gonna take some practice- you need particularly nimble use of both hands at the same time in order to achieve the required simultaneous fist-pumping and groin-chopping. I kind of think Josh Beckett does all of this already- maybe he can give lessons.