Manny: (in Manny-speak, that special language of Manny's own invention that only Papi, Lugo and L'Monstro can understand) Hah, hah, man- you are not gonna believe the stunt I pulled today.

Josh: [ stares off into the distance, slowly chews ]

Manny: Remember when I grandstanded during my homerun last night just to give those Cleveland folks something to chew on? That really brought the haters out. That was hilarious. But this is funnier, I swear.

Josh: [ spits tobacco juice, wrinkles up nose and squints ]

Manny: So I thought to myself, "Self, you haven't really said anything lately to work ESPN and everyone else up into a tizzy. Your showboating around the bases trick is getting old. You need to really give people a nice meaty quote. You know, something they can spin to their own advantage- because you just know that 95% of the media will spin it in the most negative way possible. You are Manny, after all." And you know what I did next?

Josh: [ crosses arms, makes a sour face ]

Manny: This! And those suckers totally took the bait! Now everyone can pull out the old tired "Manny being Manny" routine, and ESPN and their flunkies can take my words out of context, picking and choosing which part of the interview they'll show, and use them to work everyone up into a frenzy. How awesome is that? I mean, everyone outside New England was just waiting to hate on me anyway after my airplaning in game 2 of the ALDS- but they couldn't very well do that since I'd hit a walkoff homer. I thought gesturing to the Cleveland crowd last night would do it, but only Yankee and Indians fans really seemed to care. This should really do it, don't you think? I'll be damned if T.O. is gonna corner the market on lockerroom hilarity.

Josh: Just gotta execute pitches. Throw fucking strikes.

Manny: Huh?

Josh: Oh, hey, Ramirez. Didn't see you there. I was just practicing all my different press conference techniques. It may be an off-day, but that doesn't mean I'm not out here fine-tuning my skills, man. Hey- pretend to be a reporter and ask me to compare the '07 Sox to the '03 Marlins. I've only heard that one 547 fucking times this offseason- I need to come up with a new facial expression that tells them I am both bored with their bullshit and pissed off at their existence at the same time.

Manny: Que?

Josh: Dude- you know I never learned Spanish in high school, man - I cut too many classes 'cause I was out cow-tipping.