Hah-hah-hah! I've got a really original, really funny joke I want to share with everyone. Are you ready? Athletes are stupid. Aren't I witty and observant? I bet you never heard that one before!

Did you like how I took isolated quotes out from their context and strung them together? I also made fun of the speech patterns of a Dominican, which is always a riot. I almost worked in a reference to a redneck Southern accent and/or a trailer park in Louisiana, but my editor wouldn't let me. Now that would have been some funny, groundbreaking stuff!

I'm so clever.

Next time, I'm going to continue to mine unexplored territory with a groundbreaking article about how people don't seem to like this Barry Bonds guy very much. Or possibly about how they don't use a designated hitter in the National League- can you believe that? That's what I'm here for- to bring timely, original, insightful thoughts to the masses. And to be absolutely hilarious while doing so!