Midnight has come and gone, without any mention of some crazy, off-the-wall, unexpected miraculous deal. Even though I have always thought there was no way a contract was going to get signed without Mike testing the free agent waters first, I still couldn't help but get hopeful about 10:00 pm that maybe I was wrong, and maybe I'd be shocked by a last-minute breakthrough. Even when Nick Cafardo posted earlier that negotiations had hit a wall, I still continued to hold onto a teensy sliver of hope. Sometimes, I am entirely too sentimental for my own good.

Now comes the part where we get the madlibs/fill-in-the-blank reporting on the situation. Every article about Mike Lowell must mention at least 5 (if not all 7) of the following:

- Mike being "thrown in" the Beckett trade
- his age
- the Yankees
- Johnny Damon comparisons
- having a "career year"
- World Series MVP
- Alex Rodriguez

No doubt that in the 15 minutes that's elapsed so far while Mike's been on the open market, he's probably already fielded 4-5 phone calls with offers. The sharks are already circling. Why do I imagine that Jeffrey Loria will put a call in, and offer Mike a used Playstation 2, the spare change in his pocket and a packet of Big League Chew (and then cackle madly at how genius he is)?