The ballots for Cooperstown are due in soon, and there are all kinds of very serious sportswriters writing very seriously about who should (and should not) make it in. But for my money, the sportswriter whose opinion I most want to hear is Jon Heyman. And by that, I mean that I cannot wait to see the logical backflips he does to justify the thought processes behind his HOF ballot. Even though Keith Law and Rob Neyer still don't get votes, guys like Heyman inexplicably do- and his reasons for his HOF votes are doozies.

Don't even bother reading what Heyman wrote, though - because the guys at Fire Joe Morgan (who know more about baseball than I could ever hope to cram into my head) have got you covered... twice over: Part One and Part Two. And just because I can't help myself, here are pull quotes of a few of my favorite lines:

You know who a computer would probably pick? All of his computer friends. Hope you like a Hall of Fame full of Commodore 64's, ENIACs and vacuum tubes, you number-loving asshole.

I don't understand why Dawson supporters always cite his "ravaged knees" as a like thing that makes his numbers be better than they are. "He had bad knees! He gets bonus points!" You wouldn't say about Tony Gwynn: "The guy hit .320 every year -- and he was fat!"

[W]inning the Hearts of New Yorkers is not, the last time I checked, a fucking qualification for anything, least of all the Baseball Hall of Fame. You know who else has won the hearts of New Yorkers? Darryl Strawberry, Lenny Dykstra, Turk Wendell, and Luis Sojo.

For introducing the words "jerkbutt" and "ass-toucan" into my lexicon, and for making me burst into laughter no fewer than six times while reading these two posts, I'm gonna go ahead and name FJM as my Baseball Boyfriend of the Day. That's right, a collective Baseball Boyfriend. They're Red Sox fans- and therefore not only are they clearly of superior intellect, I cannot be forced to pick between them.