Appearing on that first baseball card is the dream of every ballplayer from the time they start whacking at balls on a tee. I'd imagine the vast majority of them stood in front of a mirror at least once and practiced the poses they'd throw down for Topps or Donruss.
Unfortunately, however, most ballplayers' rookie cards don't stand the test of time-- and the Red Sox are no exception. What was "stylish and cool" 5, 10, 15 years ago turns into "hilarious and embarrassing" when viewed today.
So let's take a journey back in time to the rookie days of the current Sox players- and hand out a few superlatives. Our newest rookies are disqualified by virtue of their rookie cards being entirely too new to make fun of.
The Smooth Operators
First up: If rookie cards attended high school, these rookie cards would be the coolest guys in school. Here are the suavest Sox rooks around, from #5 to #1...
| #5 - Doug Mirabelli |
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With that steely blue glaze, Dougie Fresh is all cool-
and the glamour shots-esque pose just radiates awesome. |
| #4 - Coco Crisp |
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| He's placed his bat just so on his shoulder, and is directing that too-cool-for-school gaze right into the camera lens. Plus, the card uses his real first name, and nothing's cooler than "Covelli". |
| #3 - Manny Ramirez |
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| I'm 99% convinced this is an actual senior portrait/yearbook photo. And that Manny showed up to the photoshoot with a baseball that he could use as a prop. |
| #2 - J.D. Drew |
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| Good lord- is there a more perfect example of "Blue Steel"? Also, Mark Mulder called- he's jealous J.D. stole his look, and did it even better. |
| #1 - Mike Lowell |
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| Well, hello Mr. Hollywood. Mike looks like a matinee idol- and that pose is pure Joe DiMaggio. Watch your back, George Clooney. |
The Cutie Pies
Look how precious they are! Don't you just want to pinch their cheeks and feed them animal crackers?
| #5 - Tito Francona |
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| OK, he's not a player- but I couldn't deny that grin a spot on the list. Awww- look at the curls peeking out from his ballcap. Tito, you are so adorable. |
| #4 - Alex Cora |
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| Alex looks so earnest and happy- like he's twelve years old. Actually, he kind of looks like he's twelve years old. And the slightly Dumbo-like ears? Priceless. |
| #3 - Josh Beckett |
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| I never thought I would see a picture of Josh that could be described as "cute"... but here it is. He's all wide-eyed and innocent- yeah, I know, hard to believe, huh? |
| #2 - Jason Varitek |
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| El Capitan- so plucky and young. It's fitting his rookie card is for his membership on Team USA- because he's very Captain America here. |
| #1 - Tim Wakefield |
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I defy you to look at this baseball card and not grin.
Wake is the cutest cute that ever did cute. |
The Troublemakers
Here we go- the punks. You just know they thought they were all bad-ass when they posed for these photos.
| #5 - Tim Wakefield |
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| From cute overload to punk attitude. Wake looks like he's about to throw a punch at someone's face. |
| #4 - Manny Ramirez |
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| Manny has that bad-boy pout down to an art form. Bonus points for that shirt- which looks like a definite Ocean Pacific original... if not, it's got to be Z. Cavaracci. |
| #3 - Mike Timlin |
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Mike just rolled in from a bar fight- or he's about to head out and start one.
Seriously, there is no way you'd mess with this guy. |
| #2 - Josh Beckett |
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| The very definition of a punk kid. And that stare! The eyes look like they'd bore a hole in your soul... if he bothered to look at you. |
| #1 - Curt Schilling |
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Punk Curt is thinking of 10 different ways to prank you. You can see it in his eyes.
Bonus points for that cocky tilt of the head. |
on December 14, 2007 3:58 PM
I did something slightly similar to this way back when. I haven't done it recently though. But I saw a great one of Schill where he looked like "German Child Molester"
http://piney61.livejournal.com/36945.html
http://piney61.livejournal.com/206318.html
http://piney61.livejournal.com/484129.html
However these were in 2005 and 2006