CENTER FIELD :: How To Host An Opening Day Party

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How To Host An Opening Day Party

1. Buy booze - preferably vodka for bloody marys and/or champagne for mimosas.
2. Set alarm clock for 4:00 am - sucks to be in the Central timezone!
3. Invite baseball-crazed friends over for the gamewatch. Thank the gods you're not the only insane one getting up early.
4. Wake up, trudge to the TV and turn on NESN's pregame show.
5. WAIT A MINUTE. Why isn't NESN showing up? Why is DirecTV "searching for signal"? HOLY CRAP.
6. Call DirecTV. After waiting on hold forever, get told by automated message that they're "aware of the problem", "wait times are long" to speak to customer service, and to call back another time. Get hung up on by DirecTV.
7. Try to calm self down by reminding self that game is on ESPN2.
8. WAIT A MINUTE. Why isn't ESPN2 showing up?
9. Begin to freak out.
10. Try to calm self down by reminding self that game is on MLB.TV.
11. WAIT A MINUTE. Why is MLB.TV blacked out?
12. Freak out in full effect.
13. Frantically keep changing channel back and forth from NESN to ESPN2 in hopes one or the other starts to work. Neither one starts to work.
14. Greet guests arriving to watch the game with the news that there might be no game to watch. Everyone starts to question their decision to get up at 4:00 am for a game they cannot watch.
15. Call local Red Sox bar - find out, to great relief, that they are open to show the game.
16. WAIT A MINUTE. Local Red Sox bar also has DirecTV, and same problem.
17. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck.
18. Brilliant guest at party remembers your Dad back in Texas has a slingbox... and regular cable. Try to contain rising excitement. Start up SlingPlayer.
19. Buffering.... (crossing fingers!)
20. WE HAVE PICTURE! WE HAVE SOUND! WE HAVE BAYSBAWL!

Sure, it was tiny baseball on a computer screen being broadcast off of ESPN2 from Houston... but who's complaining? It's better than nothing. I'm sorry I wasn't able to join in the live thread madness, since we were using my computer to watch the game (grumble, grumble) - but I'm psyched to see everyone had fun anyway.

The good news is: after this week, I won't have to worry about DirecTV anymore - I'll be getting NESN on local cable. That's right... I'm moving to Boston. My movers come Thursday, and after a weekend jump to Kansas City to be in a wedding, I'm making the thousand-mile drive to New England. I'm gonna be a local, y'all!

Oh, and I almost forgot the most important step in hosting an Opening Day Party:

21. Collapse in exhaustion after 10 innings of nervousness and drinking. Sleep for 3 hours.

Comments (21)

[ fc ] says:
on March 25, 2008 2:30 PM

What an awful day - you had people across the country worried for your state of mind. But it's so cool that you're coming here!!

[ mhcranberry ] says:
on March 25, 2008 2:30 PM

REALLY!?!?!?

Oh man, I'm so excited for you!

fc and I insist on holding a welcome-to-the-mothership party. Or at least take you out to dinner or drinks or something.

I hope you love it as much here as I do.

[ fc ] says:
on March 25, 2008 2:34 PM

I should say, what an awful start to a day. And that applies to the game as well as your party. But both finished in the right way.

[ fc ] says:
on March 25, 2008 2:34 PM

What she said.

[ jules ] says:
on March 25, 2008 2:49 PM

I'm soooooooo glad that my DirecTV wasn't out--didn't get up at 3 for nothing!

What a game, tho! Paps was making it just a tad too interesting.

Moving to Boston? What a city! I've only been there twice, but love it. Congrats!

[ Rachel C ] says:
on March 25, 2008 3:03 PM

Welcome to boston!!!

I was at the Cask n' Flagon watching the game...I have no idea what kind of cable they have, but it was working...or they probably would have had a riot on their hands :)

[ mouse ] says:
on March 25, 2008 3:37 PM

I have DirecTV too, so I also got the unpleasant experience of waking up to the "Searching for signal" message this morning. But at least I wasn't hosting peopla!

Luckily, I was able to stream it off the internet, so I only missed a small portion of the game. But the TV better work tomorrow, or heads will roll.

Good luck with the move!

[ Ian ] says:
on March 25, 2008 3:50 PM

I was wondering when the allure of Red Sox would bring you to the East coast. Looking forward to another visit with you this summer.

[ Meghan ] says:
on March 25, 2008 3:58 PM

Yay! Boston is awesome! i hope everything with the move goes smoothly (and now is a good time to move here...right as the season starts:-D).

I was at the Cask too and all was well there...apparently there was no problem with the NESN HD feed on DirectTV and thats what they had on. I still can't believe that happened, and I would bet it had to do with some type of licensing issue rather than not being able to get a signal. NESN was supposed to have exclusive rights in New England, while the rest of the country was supposed to have ESPN, so i could definitely see some issues occurring at DirectTV due to that.

[ Caroline ] says:
on March 25, 2008 4:07 PM

Wow, that is so completely awesome. Mimosas!

Haha no, I meant the part about you moving to Boston. This can only be good for us locals! NESN and we will take good care of you.

[ jenny again ] says:
on March 25, 2008 4:44 PM

TG in new england! GLEE! ::twirls you::

(nice to see good news mixed in with the bad; i am SO SRY about your tv struggles. wah!)

[ Twinkie ] says:
on March 25, 2008 4:57 PM

YAY! Welcome to Boston (from a few miles north, but still)!! Maybe I'll see you around some time!

[ Jean ] says:
on March 25, 2008 5:09 PM

Hey TG, can you explain how the Slingplayer works? Can you explain slowly and clearly for semi-computer-software understanders?

Glad you get to be a Boston Gal. My hubby's originally from Texas and he's survived the move.

[ Trish ] says:
on March 25, 2008 5:37 PM

Boston is awesome. Too bad their sports teams suck. :D

I will be up there myself in a couple of weeks--not permanently, just for a long weekend to see Yanks/Sox (and hopefully Josh!).

[ starr4 ] says:
on March 25, 2008 7:28 PM

Welcome to Boston. Aside from on this blog, it'll be the last time you'll hear that. And, truly, when someone says, "You can't get there from here," they mean it. They're not just being mean.

Look forward to getting together for a game. Let me know if you need someone to show you around.

Your morning sounds distinctly unpleasant.
Glad your problem solving skills allowed you to take in a terrific, something for everyone game.

[ Jordan ] says:
on March 25, 2008 7:45 PM

Believe me I know how much is sucked having to get up a five this morning. I couldn't even see the end of the game because I had to sing at a stupid chorus invite...who knew there was such a thing. Though in the future I must remember not to try to sing (well that is) when you are fighting to stay awake.
Chicago will never be the same without you, but I envy you for your move to Boston.
I am checking out for spring break in New York City (with my sox hat in tow since the Yankees are going to be starting their season at home, and what is more fun then annoying the Yankees fans that I am traveling with).

[ Liza ] says:
on March 25, 2008 10:43 PM

Yay, you're coming to Boston!! There needs to be a TG-welcoming party, I think.

Are you getting up tomorrow morning, too? I am so sleep-deprived from all these funky time zones... oh well! Baseball's here!

[ Kim ] says:
on March 26, 2008 9:42 AM

1. Love your blog
2. We had the same DirecTv probem and we live in Boston.
3. So glad that you are moving back to New England. (I'm happy for you and I don't even know you!)

[ Myia ] says:
on March 27, 2008 1:26 PM

I recently relocated back to Texas from Boston. I miss it every waking moment. You'll love it!

Your local Red Sox bar didn't happen to be in Dallas, did it? I'm looking for a place to call home!

[ M Ward ] says:
on March 31, 2008 12:03 PM

Chicago will miss you.

[ MG ] says:
on March 31, 2008 9:52 PM

since I was out west during most of this, let me welcome you to this coast. you are now in shouting distance!!

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