I will now present a complete and total summary of the events that transpired in Anaheim this past weekend.

Yep. That pretty much sums up the weekend's series against the Angels.

As a distraction this gloomy Monday morning, I've got the best videos from this weekend's victories games breakdowns on the West coast.

#1: Manny's roll in the grass, er, attempt to dive-catch a ball.
#2: Jed Lowrie reads the lineup for FOX.
#3: Coco Crisp sacrifices life and limb to make a catch.

First up, Manny's outstanding gold glove-caliber performance in left field on Friday night. Jacoby can't decide if and how he should go after the ball hiding underneath Manny's butt.

Jed and Coco after the jump...

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Shhhhhh - we're going hunting for a very endangered species, a creature seen so rarely that we would be fortunate just to catch a mere glimpse of it. An individual who enjoys hockey, goggles and sucky pitching. This species is easily recognizable by its distinctive call, "How aboot that blown save, eh?" Of course, I'm talking about The Eric Gagne Fan.

It was thought that any of these animals who were left migrated westward towards the green pastures of Wisconsin -- but apparently, one of their number was left behind here in New England, because Amanda was lucky enough to capture one on film last week.

Take heart, fellow explorers! There are still Eric Gagne Fans to be found! Who knew?

ESPN has developed a serious man-crush on Dustin "Pleats" Pedroia.

In a single day, the network alternately aired a puff piece montage all about him, posted an article fawning over him, and then sent Joe "Don't Call Me VORP" Morgan to talk with him about playing second base. It seems they have succumbed to his many, many charms. I'm not exactly sure what those charms might be, but if you just ask Dustin, he will most certainly be sure to tell you.

First up, the video of the Peter Gammons-narrated montage, aired before yesterday's game against the Angels. Gammons says that Pedroia "looks like a little stuffed toy from FAO Schwarz" - which is both true and awesome. (And Gammons should know-- he's definitely got that Lord Of The Rings hobbit action-figure vibe going.)

Red Sox marketing folks alert: if you made a Pedey Bear, I would totally buy one. Of course, each Pedey Bear must come with a dirty uniform, a wad of chew in its cheek, a bald patch, and when you press its paw, it says, "FUCK YEAH!" Also, it likes to play cribbage with Tito Bear.

Next, Peter Pascarelli f-loves him some Pedroia:

After just a season and a half, Pedroia seems like he's been in Boston forever. On a team of considerable age that is yet becoming younger, Pedroia has all the look of becoming a Derek Jeter-like leader for the next generation of Red Sox. Pedroia doesn't have Jeter's natural ability and grace, but he uses dogged intensity and his love of the game to do the same thing Jeter has done for more than a decade in New York -- be a daily role model for how a Yankee is supposed to play.

"He's amazing, really," Angels manager Mike Scioscia said.

"People always talk about Pedroia being so scrappy and so good fundamentally and how he gets so much out of his ability, as if he's some kind of overachiever. And all that is true in some ways. But the fact is that this guy is a very good hitter. Nearly every ball he hits is hit hard. And he gets to fastballs that few guys in the majors can turn around."

And in the "Not At All Awkward Interview With A Guy Who Doesn't Really Care Very Much About Baseball" category...

Two thoughts:

1. Joe Morgan is really short.

2. "They don't really come after us like they did wh... a couple of years back." Dustin was absolutely going to say, "when you used to play" -- and then decided not to make Joe Morgan feel old. How sweet.

In which I highlight noteworthy blogs for you to gather reconnaissance on the Red Sox upcoming opponent. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Lookout Landing: SBN network site, chock full of news and analysis - with a twist of humor Bleeding Blue and Teal: another great news and rumors Mariners source U.S.S. Mariner: a constantly updated, and quite witty, look at the M's Mariners Blog: written by Geoff Baker of the Seattle Times - very Rob Bradford-esque

Who was that (un)masked man?

Just when we think we've got Mr. .214/.298/.347 all figured out, he goes a pounds a 2-run tater out of Safeco -- simultaneously helping stop the Sox skid, and killing off any potential trade value the M's might have gotten for Jarrod Washburn. For going 2-for-4, raising his OBP above .300 for the first time in over 2 weeks, and making Tito Francona look like some kind of mystical soothsayer, Jason Varitek (finally) earns Baseball Boyfriend of the Day honors.

Honorable mentions: Jon Lester's ears, Jed Lowrie's two RBIes, Jonathan Papelbon's 1 2/3, Ichiro Suzuki's insanity (and 0-fer) and Jarrod Washburn's mediocrity.

Feels weird to celebrate a win on the West coast, huh?

At Bus Leagues Baseball, Extra P. and OMDQ spend baseball season trying to keep up with MLB's murky substrata - the minor leagues. As a birthday gift to Center Field, the guys decided to delve into the world of Sox prospects past and present.

First up, New Englander OMDQ goes all nostalgic on us, reliving his memories with the help of the Baseball America All-Time Top 100 Sox Prospects list. Tomorrow, Extra P. will examine the current crop that's still down on the farm.

Kevin Morton, LHP (1990: #61)
Believe it or not, I still remember Kevin Morton, seventeen years after he first appeared in a Red Sox uniform. Baseball-Reference.com helps out with the dates and details, but I already knew that Morton's story was one of instant promise: in his Major League debut, he shut down the mighty Detroit Tigers (actually 1991 record: 84-78) with a complete game five-hitter. Just a month before his 23rd birthday, he allowed only one run, a homerun to Cecil Fielder leading off the seventh inning, and struck out nine.

Morton stuck with the Sox for the second half of the 1991 season, posting a 6-5 record and 4.59 ERA, but it was his only major league experience. He played for four different organizations over the next four seasons, compiling an 11-33 record in the minors before hangin' em up.

Eric Wedge, C, Red Sox (1990: #63)
Affectionately known as "Wedgie" to my wife, who could barely believe her eyes when she saw him in the Cleveland Indians dugout last year.

Scott Cooper, 3B, Red Sox (1990: #68; 1992: #86)
Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to one of the reasons the Red Sox deemed Jeff Bagwell expendable in 1990. The team had Wade Boggs in the majors at the time, with Cooper virtually ready at Pawtucket. Who cares if we trade our AA third baseman to Houston for half a season of middle relief help? Damn you, Lou Gorman.

Sure, you can argue that Cooper later appeared in a couple of All-Star Games for the Sox. But that would be dumb, especially since Bagwell's OPS+ in the year of Cooper's second All-Star appearance, 1994, was 213. Damn you, Lou Gorman.

Maurice Vaughn, 1B, Red Sox (1990: #76; 1991: #10)
Like Morton, I can also remember hearing about Mo Vaughn before he was known as Mo Vaughn. There is a very clear memory in my mind of Joe Castiglione talking about "Maurice Vaughn, who has twenty homeruns at Pawtucket" sometime in 1990. He looked pretty bad during an extended look in the majors in 1991 and started to hear whispers of "bust" when he homered 13 times in 355 at-bats the following season, but put everything together in 1993 and went on to enjoy a number of productive seasons in Boston, including an MVP in 1995.

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I told you Geoff Baker had an awesome blog - and now thanks to Geoff, we get this gem:

Seems that Boston slugger Manny Ramirez was leaving the ballpark, with headphones on trying to look inconspicuous and quickly get away from the crowds still leaving the stadium. He started to cross South Royal Brougham Way, against the signals of a traffic cop who was directing pedestrians. The police officer demanded that Ramirez open his wallet and show identification. He warned him that he could face a $500 fine and possible arrest for disobeying a police officer.

It became clear to those watching that the policeman had no idea who Ramirez was. He didn't ask for an autograph or anything, but did ask Ramirez if he'd attended the game. After the brief lecture, and no argument from Ramirez, the police officer let him go with no further trouble.

Which reminds of the time the tables were turned, and it was Manny Ramirez who sailed past the authority figure outside the Jake in Cleveland... and Jerry Remy and Don Orsillo were left standing outside the clubhouse entrance, like rejected groupies.

That is a crime. Anyone who denies entry to Remy and Orsillo should be forced to walk the plank by the bullpen pirates.

Congratulations to Jonathan Papelbon, who notched up his 30th save on the season last night - placing him in the most elite of company, as the only Red Sox pitcher to earn back-to-back-to-back 30 save seasons.

In honor of this momentous occasions, I present you with... 30 Papelbonian fistpumps.

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At Bus Leagues Baseball, Extra P. and OMDQ spend baseball season trying to keep up with MLB's murky substrata - the minor leagues. As a birthday gift to Center Field, the guys decided to delve into the world of Sox prospects past and present.

Yesterday, OMDQ took a look at the Top 100 Sox prospects of all time. Today, Extra P. delves into the current Top 10(ish) Red Sox Prospects. In addition to talking stats and numbers, he was also kind enough to evaluate each of the guys' future prospects as Baseball Boyfriend material. Bless him!

Like my colleague before me, I am going to rely on Baseball America's prospect rankings for the basis of my projections. In fact, if the good folks at Baseball America would like to just go ahead and hire us, we could cut out the middle man, which I believe would reduce the exorbitant cost of gasoline. Somehow.

Anyway, here's the list, with one crucial addition from me, using my incredible powers of hindsight:

1. Clay Buchholz, RHP
2. Jacoby Ellsbury, OF
3. Lars Anderson, 1B
4. Justin Masterson, RHP
5. Jed Lowrie, SS
6. Ryan Kalish, OF
7. Michael Bowden, RHP
8. Nick Hagadone, LHP
9. Oscar Tejeda, SS
10. Josh Reddick, OF
10a. Che-Hsuan Lin, OF

Let's get started.

Clay Buchholz - RHP, Boston Red Sox
If a guy's thrown a no-hitter in the bigs, is it accurate to still call him a prospect? Clay joined the Sox organization out of Angelina College as the 42nd overall pick in the 2005 first-year draft, which is the sort of thing that can only happen in professional baseball.

His career path followed the classic pyramid look, with single As on the top, sitting on the shoulders of double As and a nice fat triple-A in 2007, the same year the then-22-year-old was called up, earning a 3-1 record with a 1.59 ERA. And apparently he had this one really good game in September. Whatever.

Baseball America Superlatives: Best Curveball, Best Changeup

2008 Stats:
Pawtucket Red Sox: 4W - 2L - 2.47 ERA - 17BB - 43K
Boston Red Sox: 2W - 5L - 5.88 ERA - 27BB - 51K

Clay is on a three-game losing streak, so this is a prime test of the team's commitment to him. Will he be sent back to Pawtucket, or work out his problems in Boston?

Baseball Boyfriend potential: Clay ain't a pretty boy, but he is from Texas, and may have another gem in him. I give him a 50-50 shot.

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It is entirely too early to rejoice and hail Mr. Justin "Too Tall" Masterson as the savior of the lackluster bullpen... but I'm going to do it anyway.

All Hail the 'Pen Prince!

He's Master-ful! The Master of his domain! He's the bullpen's Master-of-arms! He Master-fully handled the Mariners! [Insert your own pun on a derivation of "Masterson" here.]

In his first outing from the bullpen, the 'Pen Prince went for 2 2/3 innings. Even better, he pitched a perfect 2 2/3 innings. In a game that ended up going deep into extra innings, PP's masterful (ahem) long relief was a necessary component of the victory. And for that, Justin Masterson has earned himself Baseball Boyfriend of the Day honors. Tito Francona was pretty taken with him as well:

"I think that's the guy we hoped we'd see," Francona said of Masterson. "That was electric. The ball came out of his hand (well). He had poise. You're not going to jump up and down for the future (yet), but that was exciting.

"There was no reason to take him out," Francona continued when asked about the length of Masterson's outing. "I don't think we'd say we look that far ahead (in any game), but with his effectiveness, we weren't going to rush him out of there."

Starter Clay Buchholz is the newest disciple of The Jason Varitek Workout, and decided to show off his ass-over-teakettle skills last night while trying to flash some leather in the third inning.

And Clay wasn't the only pitcher that failed to deliver Gold Glove-caliber defense. Jonathan Papelbon had a hell of a time trying to field a little bloop dribble hit by Jose Vidro in the 11th inning. And Mike Lowell is not going to let Papelbon off easy.

"You know, he and [Josh] Beckett think that they should get a Gold Glove, but they stink," said Mike Lowell. "Paps whiffed at that ball twice. First, it would have gone foul. Then I don't know if he kicked it, spit on it, kneed it, or whatever. That one, I want to see a replay - because that was terrible. I don't think he'll ever talk about a Gold Glove again."

"Pitchers always say they can hit and they can field and they get their chance and they screw it up. It's like me saying I can go on the mound and start getting guys out, although I went 9-0 in high school with a 1.74 ERA."

Coming soon, to a ballpark near you...

It's like Christmas Eve!

Don't forget: today is the deadline for entering your favorite picture showing your Sox fandom into the Mark Waitkus print contest. I've gotten lots of great entries so far - so don't lose out on your chance to get a beautiful print straight from Mr. Waitkus himself.

Also, you'll get to brag about how awesome you are when your winning entry is posted here. That's a bonus.

As I mentioned in the contest post, Mark's online studio showcases this and other Red Sox prints, but also prints commemorating the Boston Marathon, the Patriots and the Celtics '08 championship... and you can buy all of those there direct from him.

Portfolio Magazine gives us their take on the Manny trevails over the past few months... err, years. Despite the fact it's got unsubstantiated quotes from unnamed member of the "Red Sox heirarchy" (Wally? is that you?) and is recycling false information (are we seriously still reporting the called 3rd-strike out was an intentional middle finger? seriously?), the article does contain one helluva new "Manny being Manny" story.

I once asked a prominent relief pitcher to describe the most idiotic thing he had witnessed in the big leagues. "That's easy," he said, and launched into the story of a former teammate--an All-Star outfielder--who refused to use toilet paper. A clubhouse attendant supplied the player with a daily ration of hand towels, which, when soiled, would be flushed.

One afternoon the reliever came in from batting practice to find the locker room awash in frantic maintenance workers. When he asked a plumber what all the fuss was about, he was told that a washcloth-clogged toilet had overflowed and was threatening to submerge the bathroom stalls. "Of all the dumb stuff I've seen that particular outfielder do," the stopper told me, "that was the dumbest."

That particular outfielder was, of course, Manny Ramirez.

Anyone?

Hat tip: Deadspin, and PeteJayhawk for the post title.

You better shut your mouth, Joba, or you're liable to wind up catching bugs.

Oh wait...

vs. New York Yankees 7:05 pm Fenway Park - Boston, MA SP: Josh Beckett vs. Joba Chamberlain tv/radio: NESN - MLB.TV - WRKO

Josh hearts Joba.