Last night, I was sappy.

But today's a new day. In fact, it's a JASON BAY DAY. That means all day long, I'll be celebrating our newest LF overlord, Boston-style. I've also got some guest posts coming your way, from some black-and-gold folks who knew him way back when.

So get ready - today, we're drinkin' the Jason Bay Kool-Aid. Mmmmmm - tastes like Pittsburgh!

As part of the Jason Bay Day festivities, I've asked die-hard Pittsburgh fan TheStarterWife to tell us a little more about our newest addition. You can find her as part of the Playing The Field team, and at her own black-and-gold blog, appropriately called Black and Gold Tchotchkes.

Last week, my first thought after the Nady-Marte trade to the Yankees was, "We could have done better." Four prospects - the brightest being 19 year-old Tabata - for a solid hitter and proven pitcher.

My second thought was, "We still have Bay."

My third thought was, "We have to trade Bay. I cannot believe I am thinking this, but we should just go for it. See what we can get for Bay. Balls out."

To any other team, this wouldn't be that big of a deal. Sure good players - even All-Stars- get traded all the time. But do you realize how terrifying a notion this is when your team wants to trade a two-time All-Star from a clubhouse that has produced only four All-Stars in the past four years? No matter how bad the team was, Bay was out there shining so fans had at least something to say in defense of still following the Pirates.

"The Pirates suck." Yeah, but Jason Bay, Rookie of the Year. We're rebuilding for the future!

"When was the last time the Pirates had a winning season?" Bush Sr. was in office, but hey! Bay hit ten homers in ten games! The man's a powerhouse!

"It's time for training camp. You know, the players who win for Pittsburgh." Bay actually likes Pittsburgh! He said he would like to keep playing here! What type of deranged fan turns away a player who likes playing in Pittsburgh? Who is active in the community! And he's Canadian! He has to be affable to everyone around him! Which makes him a great leader! Lord knows we don't need that around town.

But it was time for Bay to go. Watching the Sox and the Rays go after him, you knew his value was never going to be any higher - at least while he was still in a Pirates uniform. Besides, we were lucky to have him in the first place. And in a move that proved the old adage "even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in a while", Dave Littlefield trading Brian Giles for Bay (and Oliver Perez) would be the highlight of his tenure with the Pirates. (Aside of the time he walked off with one of the bases.)

Tonight after I had a few hours to think about the trade, it hit me; I was really happy for Bay to be going to the Sox. Bay came into the majors in a club where the team leader greeted new players with, "Welcome to hell" and still thrived. And as a fan of baseball and as fan of Jason Bay, you knew he deserved better.

He deserves to win for a change.

Continuing on with our Jason Bay Day festivities, Tecmo from the awesome Pittsburgh Sports and Mini Ponies (where you get sports news AND mini ponies every day!) checks in with his thoughts on Jason Bay and yesterday's trade. Also, he has a very special mini pony for us.

What can I say about Jason Bay? A Pirate for parts of six seasons, Bay gave us fans every emotion one could hope for when one becomes baseball fan. Franchise records as a rookie, power to all fields despite looking like a third line hockey winger, unrealized potential, "is-he-clutch?" worries, nasty injuries and at times, All-Star caliber play. As a Pirates fan, I get to see Bay's tenure in the Burgh within the greater context and how he has shaped the future of the Pirates. Yeah, we suck now, but just you wait.

The Sox were probably impressed with his 26 dingers as a rookie. If Boston has done their collective homework, they'll be more than happy with Bay's current .985+ fielding percentage, or the little nugget that the guy counted on to be the Buccos' primary source or power actually tied a MLB record in 2005 for most steals in a season without getting caught (before getting thrown out at the very end of the year, dammit). Boston fans, you're getting a guy who might worry you, or might blow your..ahem...Sox off (sorry). Baseball-Reference says you're getting either Kevin Mench or Grady Sizemore. Seems about right.

I thank Bay for all he gave to the team. Brian Giles was a hero in Pittsburgh, and Bay had the responsibility of replacing Giles when he was traded to the San Diego Daddies. Bay's name seemed to be in constant trade rumors since his arrival, but his career year in '06 allowed the other guy acquired from San Diego, Ollie Perez, to be dealt to New York for Xavier Nady instead. Nady's recent trade then brought us prime prospect Jose Tabata. Now Bay's trade brings us Andy LaRoche and Craig Hansen. By most accounts, Bay allowed the team to segue between Brian Giles and a first round pitcher, a legit third base prospect and a stud like Tabata. Take that however you want, but you can't ask for much more when you trade a guy who was as respected in Pittsburgh as Giles was in '03.

A little part of me is sad to see Bay go, mostly because I'll miss his opposite-field homers over the Clemente wall. If Bay continues his trend of hot hitting against AL East pitching, that short porch near Pesky's Pole might get lit up.

Pittsburgh wins, getting top prospects that we desperately need, and Boston makes out by getting a guy 7 years younger than Manny who can still be counted on for 28-30 homers and 100 RBIs when playing to potential. Not a bad trade by anyone's count.

The final guest post installment in today's Jason Bay Day extravaganza comes from Don Spagnolo of the center of the Pittsburgh sports blogosphere, Mondesi's House. Don also brings with him a pretty fantastic nickname for Jason.

How do I describe Jason Bay in just a few short paragraphs? Well, there's times when you love him, and times when you love him just a little less. He's not the kind of guy that ever would inspire any of the hatred directed at, let's say, the player who he was traded for.

My best synopsis of what you're getting out of Bay could be taken from my 2008 Pirates preview for Deadspin, entitled, 16 Reasons Why the Pirates Streak Won't End in 2008:

5. Jason Bay is not happy
Jason Bay usually makes about as much noise as your average mime. Never before have I seen a player so inappropriately thrust into a leadership role. So you can imagine my surprise when the muted one finally opened his mouth to reveal that he was disappointed with the Pirates' offseason inactivity.

Fantastic. I'm glad that Bay feels comfortable enough to speak his mind. Unfortunately, the 2004 NL Rookie of the Year chose a time when he's coming off his most disappointing year as a Pirate, as his numbers fell from 35/109/.286 in 2006 to 21/84/.247 in 2007. As previously mentioned, he's turned the called strike three into an art form, which the city has dually noted.

His impeccable timing has already irked the new front office, who preferred that Bay aired his grievances with them rather than through the media. It's good to see that one of our star players is starting off on such a good foot with his new bosses.

He's obviously bitter over the dead-end trade with Cleveland, but that's for two obvious reasons:

1. All he was worth was Cliff Lee, which is a major shot to anyone's ego, and

2. He's still stuck in Pittsburgh, at least until he pulls a Raul Mondesi and concocts an extortion plot to get his release.

Looking back on it, I guess Cliff Lee wouldn't have been such a bad return on that proposed deal, considering he's 14-2 with a 2.58 ERA on a 47-60 team. Of course, when the deal was proposed, Lee was coming off of a 2007 in which he went 5-8 with a 6.29 ERA, and I'm guessing that wouldn't have gone over with us long-suffering Pirate fans.

As I alluded to earlier, Bay never came across to fans as a vocal leader-type. He was more of a laid-back personality, which can be good at times and bad at times. He developed quite a rep in these parts for a sphincter that seemed to tighten in the rare clutch situation, so I hope he can hold up to the microscope of Boston (much like the microscope that Pittsburgh puts their football players under). The difference is that he's not the #1 guy in Boston with the weight of the franchise on his shoulders. I always thought that Bay would be best-suited as a 2nd or 3rd offensive option, and I think he can thrive in this role with the Sox.

What I'll most miss about Bay, however, is his presence in my annual Pittsburgh Pirates: The Movie posts. After three editions, Beaker is going to be out of work!

As Jason Bay Day rolls on, and we're counting down the hours and minutes until Sox fans get their first look at Beaker in his home whites - I'm reminded that it's never too early to pronounce snap judgments.

So before we get a chance to see Bay in action, I'm going to scrutinize every facet of his personality based purely on random photos of him found around the interwebs. It's a very scientific process.

So we know that he likes to swing his bat inside an abandoned corregated tin shed while looking off semi-wistfully into the distance. What else can we learn about Jason Bay?

Follow me after the jump, for snap judgments aplenty...

Continue reading »

vs. Oakland Athletics 7:05 pm Fenway Park - Boston, MA SP: Tim Wakefield vs. Justin Duchasczbflhfewblhwefer Duchscherer tv/radio: NESN - MLB.TV - WRKO

Now this is what I'm talking about...

It seems Jason Bay got the party invitation for Jason Bay Day, because he celebrated by going 2-for-3 with a triple (!), 2 walks -- and scored the game-winning run on a soft rolling hit by Jed Lowrie. In between, he found time to make a spectacular diving catch in the outfield that saved a run, and cemented the love of pretty much every Sox fan across the country.

The extra innings walk-off win also brought back something that has been missing from the Fens for awhile now: the sight of the guys jumping around like little kids in celebration, hugging and high-fiving and grinning like madmen. As a team.

It's pure poetry that today, on Jason Bay Day, I'm giving my Baseball Boyfriend of the Day honors to Jason Bay.

Yeah, I think Jason is going to fit in here just fine.

vs. Oakland Athletics 1:35 pm Fenway Park - Boston, MA SP: Daisuke Matsuzaka vs. Dallas Braden tv/radio: NESN - MLB.TV - WRKO

For the first time in a long while, I have a total baseball hangover.

The kind of hangover you can only get after a full and satisfying weekend of baseball. One that has nothing to do with alcohol, and everything to do with the play on the diamond. One that involved a sweep of wins notched on the scoreboard, but also displayed a combination of a killer offense and a cracking defense. Pitchers spotting their locations well and throwing some gas. Hitters seeing the ball well and maximizing on-base efforts every at-bat. Web Gem-like diving catches in the outfield and beautiful double plays in the infield. Spectacular baserunning and steal attempts. OK, well except for Sunday on that last one.

Red Sox baseball seems to have had a heavy cloud hanging over it of late. A sense of drudgery, a touch of antagonism, an air of melancholy. You got the feeling, even through the TV screen, that everything was labored for the guys, heavy and difficult where it ought to be light and breezy-- weighed down by... something.

The easy way out would be to point the finger at Manny - but I think that is not only wrong, it would also be a gross oversimplification of something that's far more complex. I think though his recent behavior was a part of the malaise, he was a symptom of the problem and not the cause. The team just seemed to be in a funk that they couldn't seem to shake loose (albeit not a totally unproductive funk - it's not like they went into a '07 Mets-like losing skid). A baseball team can't always run around all "HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY" every day- this is a job, after all, and they have ups and downs like anyone else at work. But that mythical 'spark' seemed to have died out there for awhile, and the grumpiness and petulance and lethargy seemed to take off at the same time.

But that all seemed a thing of the past this weekend. Everything was fun again. And just like Manny was not the cause of all the problems before, Jason Bay was not the solution to all those problems either. But he certainly helped. I think the trade on Thursday prodded the team to stop and draw a line under what had happened in the first part of the season, and then decide to close the book on it and move forward to reclaim some of that spark back again. The clouds seemed to part over Fenway, and the heavy load seemed to lift. I'm sure a large part of it was subconscious, but the change is welcome all the same.

Maybe it's all just a happy coincidence. Or maybe it's just a mirage. Either way, I don't much care - because I'll happily suffer through a string of baseball hangovers from now until the end of October for more weekends like we just had.

Maybe it's a BAYsball BAYngover. Yeah, I'm pretty much going to keep up with as many Bay-related plays on words as I can.

vs. Kansas City Royals 8:10 pm Kauffman Stadium - Kansas City, MO SP: Clay Buchholz vs. Gil Meche tv/radio: NESN - MLB.TV - WRKO

vs. Kansas City Royals 8:10 pm Kauffman Stadium - Kansas City, MO SP: Josh Beckett vs. Brian Bannister tv/radio: NESN - MLB.TV - WRKO

Well, hello, there, Mr. Beckett. Nice to see you again.

It's even nicer to see this:

6.2IP 4H 2ER 0HR 2BB 7K 2.70ERA

We missed you.

Tuesday Wednesday Curveball - Week Ten The Olympics officially kick off this Friday in Beijing, and if you're anything like me, you're going to be watching 7-8 hours of coverage every day, minimum. One thing you won't be watching after this year, though, is baseball-- 2008 marks the last time baseball will be played as an Olympic event. So let's hear from you: if you were the manager of the USA Olympic baseball team, and (like with the NBA) could have your pick of MLB players, who would you select as your starting 9? This wouldn't be like the All-Star vote, tainted by nostalgia and bias -- who is the best player you'd select at each position to help America take home the gold? Obviously, no Canadians or other nationalities can be selected -- but naturalized citizens are still eligible (Papi, Manny, Pujols, etc.)

As always, you don't have to be a fan of the Red Sox to get in on the discussion. All baseball fans- even Yankee fans- are welcome.

You haven't made it in this town as a ballplayer until you've been pied in the face by Big Papi.

Welcome to Boston, Jason Bay.

vs. Kansas City Royals 8:10 pm Kauffman Stadium - Kansas City, MO SP: Tim Wakefield vs. Luke Hochevar tv/radio: NESN - MLB.TV - WRKO

Manny's long gone out of town, living it up way on the other side of the country... and CHB is feeling the pangs of loneliness. Who will he write his inflammatory columns about? Who will he vilify? This is all a very confusing time for him.

So it's no surprise that this little hidden explosive gem showed up in his column today:

The commissioner's office is investigating the circumstances of Manny's final hours with the Red Sox. The Globe has learned (from a source with direct knowledge of the inquiry) that Bud Selig directed Major League Baseball executive vice president Rob Manfred to contact all parties for an explanation of how things unfolded around last week's trading deadline. According to the source, Manfred has yet to report back to the commissioner.

Here's why Selig's office is looking into the matter:

The Red Sox had an option to retain Ramirez in 2009 for $20 million. They had the same option for 2010. Ramirez, who will turn 37 next season, wanted to be a free agent at the end of this season. His agent wanted the same thing. Boras inherited Ramirez's old contract and stood to earn nothing until Manny signed a new one. It was in the interest of the player and the agent to have the options dropped.

Manny's only leverage was withholding services and playing at half speed. So that's what he did. Sitting out games against Seattle and the Yankees, jogging down the first base line (and maybe even looking at those three strikes against Mariano Rivera), he sent the message that he wanted out. He made sure the Sox knew he could not be trusted to play hard if they kept him until the end of the season with the options intact.

A few things strike me: (1) since when did CHB's conjecture about Manny's behavior go from opinion to accepted fact? and (2) if CHB was so confident that his source was rock-solid, why did he bury this allegation halfway down his column, and fall back on the old "the Globe has learned" schtick (rather than claiming ownership of his source)?

In the Manny Being Manny circus, nothing is too crazy or too far-fetched for me to believe. I wouldn't bat an eye if it was revealed that Manny went into Theo's office and demanded that Jed Lowrie act as his personal manservant, and follow him around at all times with a selection of sparkling waters and snacks. I'm also not a naive wide-eyed innocent who thinks every player who dons the Boston home whites is automatically a saint who can do no wrong. So while the sour turn of the Manny story in Boston is entirely plausible, I still object to the sordid need of certain people to continually shit-stir. (Or the equivalently reprehensible method of sitting on a story until the player in question is shipped out of town and therefore can't confront you -- so you can keep getting soundbites from him.)

And this sight? Yeah, still weird.

What, you're surprised CHB might have caused a scandal with a premature report impugning Manny Ramirez? No? Neither am I.

From the Los Angeles Times, a paper that, you know, talked to Bud Selig's office on the record:

The baseball commissioner's office has not launched a formal investigation into the circumstances surrounding the Manny Ramirez trade and does not plan to take action against any party in the deal, his spokesman said today.

The Boston Globe reported in today's editions that Commissioner Bud Selig had ordered an investigation into "the circumstances of Manny's final hours with the Red Sox."

Pat Courtney, the spokesman for Selig, said the commissioner had asked for clarification on several issues involving the trade and did not order a formal inquiry into the matter.

"There were some follow-up calls," Courtney said. "It's closed. It's not ongoing."

Any time CHB runs to print with something like this, and if his reporting turns out to be overblown, it undermines the credibility of the other stellar reporting going on at the Globe. Sometimes I just want to holler for somebody, anybody to STOP THE CURLY-HAIRED BOYFRIEND.

Update: THE PLOT THICKENS. That LA Times article has now been revised, as it turns out the MLB spokesperson may have spoken out of turn.

The Dodgers are in no jeopardy of losing Manny Ramirez, but the baseball commissioner's office is reviewing issues surrounding the trade that brought him to Los Angeles.

Commissioner Bud Selig has asked Rob Manfred, baseball's executive vice president for labor relations, to determine the facts behind Ramirez's departure from Boston, a baseball source said today, speaking on condition of anonymity because the matter had not been resolved.

Baseball spokesman Pat Courtney told The Times earlier today that Selig had asked for clarification on several issues but said no action was planned against any party in the deal.

"There were some follow-up calls," Courtney said. "It's closed. It's not ongoing."

Courtney later said his comments were premature and deferred further questions on the matter to Rich Levin, another baseball spokesman. Levin said this afternoon he had no comment.

Two things: (1) do all of these anonymous sources have secret meetings somewhere, where they show up wearing paper bags over their heads? (2) sweet lord in heaven, if CHB's muckracking on this issue actually turns out to have some substance? God help us all... there will never be an end to the avalanche of anti-Manny articles to come.

vs. Chicago White Sox 8:11 pm U.S. Cellular Field - Chicago, IL SP: Jon Lester vs. Mark Buehrle tv/radio: NESN - MLB.TV - WRKO

vs. Chicago White Sox 7:05 pm U.S. Cellular Field - Chicago, IL SP: Daisuke Matsuzaka vs. Jose Contreras tv/radio: NESN - MLB.TV - WRKO

vs. Chicago White Sox 2:05 pm U.S. Cellular Field - Chicago, IL SP: Clay Buchholz vs. Gavin Floyd tv/radio: TBS - NESN - MLB.TV - WRKO

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

"The Americans? We're going to smash them. That's what we came here for," [French swimmer Alain] Bernard said.

Is it undignified to laugh here? No? Then.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! That was, hands-down, one of the greatest Olympic moments of all time.

And now back to your regularly-schedule baseball programming...

So ESPN the Magazine (and online) posted a fabulous article about Dustin Pedroia. (Yes, I realize this issue came out a week ago- but my issue, and all my other mail, was lost in the USPS forwarding black hole. So I just got it today- let's pretend it's brand new, shall we?)

Like any good Pleats profile, it is chock-full of awesome quotes. For example:

This is just one of 162. Every day is pretty much the same. It's not quite 4 o'clock, three hours before the first pitch at Fenway Park, and Dustin Pedroia is in the Red Sox dugout, ranting. "No one's going to separate us," he says to backup catcher Kevin Cash. "I'm telling you, when we win the World Series, I'll high-five everyone, but then you and me are going into the outfield, and we're going to have a fistfight. And no one's going to separate us!"

Although Pedroia keeps a straight face, Kevin Youkilis and Jason Varitek cannot. Cash just looks straight ahead and with a slight smile says, "That's fine by me, man."

Or:

Now Pedroia hops up the dugout steps and shouts in Millar's direction: "Hey, 2004 was like 20 years ago! And all you did was walk! Mariano let four fly! It was not, like, some 12-pitch at-bat!" Pedroia imitates Millar's stance in that critical Game 4 moment against the Yankees, with the Red Sox three outs away from elimination. He mimics the way Millar steps in the bucket. He does it four times. "Ball 1, Ball 2, Ball 3, Ball 4," he says. "That's all you did." Millar isn't even paying attention.

Or:

A little while later, when Orioles second baseman Brian Roberts appears, Pedroia pounds his own chest and shouts, "The strongest 160-pound player in the league, right here!" Roberts swats at the air like he's trying to shoo away a gnat as Pedroia repeats, "Right here!"

"Yeah, he's one of a kind," Roberts says. "He and I work out at the same place in Arizona in the off-season, and I've seen him call out NFL players during Ping-Pong games, asking them when they're starting Jenny Craig. He told Brady Quinn, who is a monster, a physical specimen, 'I'm going to rip this ball right off your throat.' He's a piece of work."

But the surprise highlight of the article was when I discovered I was a part of it. Yes- that's me in the picture of the crowd at the World Series, with the long blonde hair and wearing my red Red Sox shirt (I think it was Beckett, but it could have been Pedroia). Or, at least, it's the back of my head.

Figures- the one time I am pictured on ESPN, I'm turned away from the camera. I think everyone in the section was watching a very-pregnant Mrs. Theo Epstein waddle past us and onto the field.

The lovely and talented girl next to me is none other than fellow Soxmaniac J-Money, who was my brawling buddy in Cleveland for the ALCS games, and then my celebrating buddy in Denver for the World Series games. As usual, she's got a hilarious take on the situation at her place.

vs. Chicago White Sox 8:11 pm U.S. Cellular Field - Chicago, IL SP: Josh Beckett vs. John Danks tv/radio: NESN - MLB.TV - WRKO

Charlie Zink is a lot more than just the "Hey! How hilarious! Another knuckleballer to replace knuckleballer Tim Wakefield while he's on the DL!" headlines he's getting lately. The 28 year-old (almost 29- his birthday is in a couple of weeks) will be making his first major league start against the Rangers, and seems just about as excited as you think he'd be:

This is everything I have ever dreamed of. It has come true now and I'm going to the major leagues. It's ridiculous. I'm at a loss for words. I really don't know what to say about it. I'll be smiling forever now. This is just awesome. Awesome.

So who is Charlie Zink? I've got 10 random bits of trivia about the newest member of the Red Sox 25-man roster:

1. Charlie's the son of two Folsom State Prison employees. Cue the Johnny Cash theme music. Actually if Charlie used Folsom Prison Blues as his warm-up music at Fenway, his cool factor would automatically go up by a factor of 100.

2. He only ended up playing baseball because his tae kwon do progress was stymied by his young age. Charlie was a second-degree black belt in tae kwon do (and teaching classes) by the age of 12-- but when he learned he couldn't progress to a third-degree until the age of 16, he started playing baseball instead.

3. Charlie thinks baseball is "a little boring" to watch and he doesn't "really keep up with all the baseball numbers". He prefers to watch football, his favorite sport. His team? The 49ers, of course... like every good kid from Northern California.

Continue reading »

In which I highlight noteworthy blogs for you to gather reconnaissance on the Red Sox upcoming opponent. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Lone Star Ball: SBN site that's updated daily with all the latest news & happenings Girls Don't Know Anything About Baseball: the Rangers from a female perspective, loaded with humor A Lonestar In California: fantastic, in-depth analysis on the Rangers from the left coast Baseball Time In Arlington: MVN network site, loaded with news and great feature pieces

Paul Byrd -- he of the HGH-tainted past, the momentous victory over the Sox in last year's ALCS and the Frasier-esque face -- traded in his Indians cap for a Red Sox cap today. This gave me the perfect opportunity to use that "Byrdie Putt" pun I've been holding onto for so long. It also means that the Red Sox might just have found the patch to plug the hole left by Wake's DL stint (and Clay's continued mediocre outings).

From the Globe:

The Cleveland Indians today announced the club has completed a trade with the Boston Red Sox, sending RHP PAUL BYRD to Boston in exchange for a player to be named or cash. The player to be named must be agreed upon on or before January 15, 2009.

Byrd made 22 starts with the Indians this year going 7-10 with a 4.53 ERA (131.0IP, 146H, 70R/66ER, 24BB, 56K, 23HR).

And from MLB.com:

Boston is getting Byrd at his best. After a rough first half in which he seemingly couldn't keep the ball in the park, Byrd changed his windup, rediscovered his curveball, curtailed the home runs and gone 4-0 with a 1.24 ERA in four starts since the All-Star break. He is 7-10 with a 4.53 ERA in 22 starts overall.

vs. Texas Rangers 7:05 pm Fenway Park - Boston, MA SP: Charlie Zink vs. Scott Feldman tv/radio: NESN - MLB.TV - WRKO

vs. Texas Rangers 7:05 pm Fenway Park - Boston, MA SP: Jon Lester vs. Luis Mendoza tv/radio: NESN - MLB.TV - WRKO

Everyone assumed Mike Lowell strained his right oblique muscle during an at-bat against the Rangers in the seventh inning on Tuesday- landing him on the 15-day DL. But Center Field can exclusively reveal* that Mikey LoLo actually injured himself outside the four walls of the ballpark.

In a city administration scandal the likes of which haven't been seen since Tammany Hall and Boss Tweed, Mike Lowell has found himself embroiled in a parking ticket brouhaha.

video courtesy of WBZ

This is damning evidence that the Boston PD are flagrantly and wantonly ticketing cars that are legally parked. Mike Lowell had seven minutes left on the meter! This is a sad commentary on the state of society, and an injustice that could not go unanswered. Mike had no choice but to take it upon himself to go after those heartless ticketing monsters.

Mike may have put on a brave front to make it seem as though he strained his muscle at the plate, but in reality I think we all know the truth: Mike Lowell hurt himself when he went all Batman, delivering a series of roundhouse kicks and right hooks to the parking ticket hooligans.

* This is, of course, entirely made up. Except the part about the parking ticket- that part is true.

Today and tomorrow mark the return of the annual WEEI/NESN Jimmy Fund Telethon to benefit the Jimmy Fund and the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute. Last year, they raised $3.74 million- and the Telethon has raised nearly $12 million since it started back in 2002.

I'm not one to push charitable causes on anyone - charity is meaningless if it's forced, it has to come from the heart. But I'm more than willing to shill a little for the Jimmy Fund - because it's for sick kids, and therefore I am honor bound to shill away on their behalf.

If you'd like to donate, you can do so online right here - the minimum donation level they've got listed is just $10. You can also call into the phone lines at (877) 738-1234 if you are so inclined.

1. The wave.

2. Act unaffected by the news that Kyle Jackson was released. We'll miss you, Kyle!

3. Wear pink hats.

4. Post about players' divorces. Engagements and babies are one thing, talking about divorce or infidelity feels a little too Page Six/TMZ icky for me.*

5. Boo my team's players at the park. Not even Gagne. I'm serious.**

6. Call the season dead in August. Gary Tanguay, how could you?

7. Watch Sox Appeal.

8. OK, I confess... I do! I watch Sox Appeal! And I hate myself for it. I can't help it - I'm drawn to the trainwreck like a moth to the flame.

9. While I'm doling out confessions: even though pink gear for any team induces my gag reflex, I do wear a green Sox hat. Because I'm Irish, see? /wonders if that excuse will fly

10. The wave. Ever. Never ever ever. On this list twice for emphasis. In fact, I use it as a screening mechanism for guys I date: if they stand up to do the wave at the ballpark, I know immediately it will never work out between us. (Kids and parents with their kids are exempt from this rule, I suppose - although not at Wrigley. I wish it were so at Fenway, too.)

* Fortunately for the gossip hounds, you have the Globe for that.
** Although I did once holler "E-6" at Julio Lugo.

vs. Texas Rangers 7:05 pm Fenway Park - Boston, MA tv/radio: NESN - MLB.TV - WRKO

Over/under on how many "bird" puns appear as headlines after the game?
I'm setting the line at 20.

Welcome to Boston, Paul.

vs. Toronto Blue Jays 7:05 pm Fenway Park - Boston, MA SP: Paul Byrd vs. Roy Halladay tv/radio: NESN - MLB.TV - WRKO

Josh Beckett- I think it's time we had a talk.

No, not "the talk" -- I think you're probably covered on that front. I mean that we need to talk about what's going on with you lately. Eight earned runs in 2 and 1/3 innings, Josh? That's just not you. That's the most runs you've served up to an opponent on a platter in a long while, and in the shortest inning span by far.

Even more troubling than the stat line, is your post-pitching reaction. Josh Beckett does things like this and this and this when he sucks wind on the mound. There's lots of kicking and/or punching things, and always a hailstorm of cusswords from you. There are also impatient and condescending looks at reporters and snippy answers to dumb questions. Josh Beckett does not, after being pulled in the third inning, pull off his jersey and then gather his things together rather calmly and exit the dugout for the clubhouse without any temper tantrum or dramatic flair. But that's exactly what you did. And the post-game interview?

"It was frustrating," said Beckett. "Give up eight [fucking] runs - pretty frustrating. That's what it is."

One cuss word? One f-bomb? That's it? Who are you and what have you done with Josh Beckett?

But I think I have you figured out, Josh. Your sucktastical performance against the Jays prompted me to go back in time and figure out when the last time when you sucked that bad. And that's when it dawned on me: it's my birthday. I'm the jinx.

Ever since you joined the Sox, there has been a fantastically sucky belly flop (to varying degrees) on and around my birthday. 2006? August 19th versus the Yankees - 9 earned runs and a loss. 2007? I was at that game on August 17th versus the Angels - you left the game with 1 earned run, only to see Gagne blow the save in epic fashion. (that was the water bottle game.) And now 2008, the day before my birthday... the Ocho Incident. Yes, I've given it a name, Josh.

Listen, I know today is my birthday and all - but you don't need to stress out about trying to impress me. Remember what happened when I was down in Florida for spring training? Or against the White Sox in Chicago last year? Or versus the Yankees and Roger in the Bronx in '07? It seems like you always seem to do better when I'm not there, Josh. Well, not always.

From now on, how 'bout you just pretend every August 18th (or thereabouts) is Game One? And feel free to kick a water cooler, take a bat to the dugout bench, or cuss in the postgame press conference. It'll probably make you feel better than just about anything - short of being allowed to drink beer in the dugout or take target practice in between innings.

It has nothing to do with the Red Sox (my favorite subject), or Josh Beckett or Sean Casey or Jason Bay (my favorite sub-subjects) -- but it's my birthday, and so I shall post on it anyway.

Today, of all days, FJM posting something about Vince Young and my beloved Texas Longhorns leaves me no choice but to deduce that it is a personal birthday shout-out. Even if it is linking to Richard "I Hate UT, And Mock It Constantly" Justice.

Thank you, FJM. That is the Most Hyperbolic Thing Anyone Has Ever Shouted-Out To Me About Any Subject in the History of the Universe.

vs. Baltimore Orioles 7:05 pm Camden Yards - Baltimore, MD SP: Jon Lester vs. Jeremy Guthrie tv/radio: NESN - MLB.TV - WRKO

I really enjoy days like today - when there were so many great performances during last night's game, that it makes it difficult to pick a favorite. It was hard to even narrow it down to three. For the first time in the history of Center Field, I'm awarding three-way tie honors for Baseball Boyfriend of the Day to Jason Bay, Jon Lester and Jason Varitek.

It's just too tough to decide between the new addition who pounds out two homers in a game, the newly crowned ace pitcher who always seems to deliver new life to the clubhouse, and the veteran captain who gained a toehold in digging his way out of a slump with a long bomb. So I didn't choose. Rather, I'm choosing them all.

I must give bonus props to Jason "Beaker" Bay for this gem:

Bay was asked, given his time languishing in Pittsburgh for most of his career, exactly how long it's been since he was in the middle of a pennant race. He smiled.

"Little League?"

vs. Baltimore Orioles 7:05 pm Camden Yards - Baltimore, MD SP: Daisuke Matsuzaka vs. Daniel Cabrera tv/radio: NESN - MLB.TV - WRKO