Everyone assumed Mike Lowell strained his right oblique muscle during an at-bat against the Rangers in the seventh inning on Tuesday- landing him on the 15-day DL. But Center Field can exclusively reveal* that Mikey LoLo actually injured himself outside the four walls of the ballpark.

In a city administration scandal the likes of which haven't been seen since Tammany Hall and Boss Tweed, Mike Lowell has found himself embroiled in a parking ticket brouhaha.

This is damning evidence that the Boston PD are flagrantly and wantonly ticketing cars that are legally parked. Mike Lowell had seven minutes left on the meter! This is a sad commentary on the state of society, and an injustice that could not go unanswered. Mike had no choice but to take it upon himself to go after those heartless ticketing monsters.

Mike may have put on a brave front to make it seem as though he strained his muscle at the plate, but in reality I think we all know the truth: Mike Lowell hurt himself when he went all Batman, delivering a series of roundhouse kicks and right hooks to the parking ticket hooligans.

* This is, of course, entirely made up. Except the part about the parking ticket- that part is true.