As a special Independence Day treat, and by very, very, VERY popular request, I bring you the holy grail of Sox videos — I give you… ENPHATICULLY.

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After studying away in the clubhouse and dugout (he told reporters today that Papi gave him some tips on what to expect), Jason took – and aced – the 10-question US Naturalization Test back in June. What kind of questions are on the test? You can see the full slate of 100 possible questions here, but Bay told WEEI that he was asked (among other things):

And speaking of Independence Day, it worked out awfully well for Jason to get sworn in today – a day after celebrating Canada Day, and two days before celebrating his first Independence Day as an American. (He’ll keep his Canadian citizenship as well.)

For today’s ceremonies, Jason was called upon to help lead the crowd of 360 new citizens (and their family and friends) in the Pledge of Allegiance. Good news: he didn’t choke!

Bay joined two military men and about a dozen children of newly sworn-in citizens to lead the crowd in the Pledge of Allegiance. One little boy donned a special Red Sox T-shirt with Bay’s No. 44 decorated with red and white stripes and blue and white stars.

“I already knew it but I wanted to make sure I didn’t mess it up in front of all those people,” Bay said, admitting some jitters. “I didn’t want the kids to upstage me.”

Now go be a good American, Jason – and buy some illegal fireworks and watered-down beer to celebrate.

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But I have a confession to make: it was all my fault!

It may have looked like a mini-implosion in the bullpen, but I caused the EPIC FAIL… because I didn’t watch a single pitch of the game. For the first time I can recall, in a very long time, I missed innings 1 through 9 of the Sox game. I didn’t watch pregame, I didn’t watch Smoltz pitch, I didn’t know there was a rain delay, I didn’t see them resume play, I didn’t see the breakdown, I didn’t witness the Balbirds’ celebration, I didn’t watch postgame. I missed the entire thing.

There was a very good reason, to be sure: namely, that I had been working ’round the clock to close a deal, and was running on 2 hours of sleep total from Saturday to yesterday afternoon (seriously!), and then after we finally got the deal done, some genius decided the deal team should GO HAVE A DRINK – instead of, you know, sleeping – and so of course one drink + 2 hrs of sleep in 96+ hours = dead to the world mere seconds after walking in the door at home. Blah, blah, excusecakes.

The point is: I blame myself for everything. So no need to worry yourself into a mess over the bullpen, or storm the SoSH or Globe message boards with questions about the zip on Papelbon’s fastball, or questions about the long relief capability of Masterson or the delivery of Okajima. It was a mere blip on the radar of an otherwise stellar season for the ‘pen that was clearly caused by my failure as a Sox fan.

Either that, or it was Matt Wieters.

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I know a lot of folks, including some in the Red Sox clubhouse, don’t particularly enjoy the extended slate of interleague games that teams must navigate. I, however, am not going to complain- for one simple reason:

Pitchers batting.

More specifically, AL pitchers batting. It’s a funny novelty, like a wind-up monkey banging the cymbals, or a tank of sea monkeys. Watching Tim Wakefield take hacks at the plate is some of the most entertaining TV I’ve watched all year… and watching Josh Beckett vindictively (if not outright maliciously) pound out a tater ranks right up there as “Must See TV”.

But we’re all done with that until (cross fingers!) perhaps required again in the postseason. Now, we can turn back and devote our full attention to crushing the spirits of fellow AL teams. At least until the All Star Game distracts us again. Or until Inside Track finds a new and different Red Sox player to try and hook Heidi Watney up with.

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NATSTOWN will surely be no match, as Our Vaunted Hero makes his triumphant return to the pitching mound – and, more importantly, dons the Boston greys for the first official time. O, happy day!

While we all wait in barely-contained anticipation for first pitch tonight from Washington, let’s learn random things about John Smoltz — all of which come courtesy of the fabulous Dan Hoard, a broadcaster for the PawSox and a first-rate blogger.

• Smoltzie’s first career path was not baseball. At the tender age of four, he followed in his father’s footsteps and started playing the accordion. THE ACCORDION. Per Dan Hoard:
  

  John’s dad was an accomplished musician who played the accordion and Smoltz started playing at the age of 4. Within a year or two, he was entering and winning contests for young accordion virtuosos. But one day when he was 7, while sitting in the family vehicle at a gas station, John informed his folks that he wanted to “retire” as an accordion player. He planned to become a major league baseball player instead.

• Tiger Woods call Smoltz “the best amateur” he had ever golfed with. (and Smoltz would like to play on the PGA Tour once he hangs up his baseball spikes)
• John grew up in Michigan as a Tigers fan. His grandfather was a groundskeeper at Tiger Stadium for 38 years, and his dad was part of the entertainment at the Tigers victory party following the 1968 World Series. Smoltz got to go to the final game of the 1984 World Series in Detroit as a fan. He wound up with a chunk of sod from the infield and planted it in his family’s front yard next to a statue of a tiger.
• Smoltz is already in the Hall of Fame – at least his picture is. Per Dan Hoard, there’s a photo of a baby John in an exhibit highlighting the dominant Braves teams of the 1990s.
• Dan Patrick recently had Smoltz on his radio show, and asked John about his recent nuptials with Kathryn Darden.
  

  After expressing his disappointment over not being invited to the ceremony, Patrick asked the newlywed to “rate his stuff on his wedding night.” Smoltz said, “I was locked in and went long enough to get the win.”

• John’s house palace in Georgia has “3 golf holes, a baseball field, tennis court, basketball court, and partial football field”

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I also must confess the reasons for my absence. As I mentioned before, work has been – to put it bluntly – hell. However, that is not the only reason for my absence. I confess I have been devoting the tiny amount of free time in my life to another baseball team. (GASP!) The only other team I could possibly love more than the Red Sox (DOUBLE GASP!). I confess I have been spending time with… the Texas Longhorns. That’s not so bad, right?

Down South, college baseball is SERIOUS BUSINESS. My alma mater has been fighting its way through the College World Series – a fight that culminated last night in a winner-take-all deciding game 3 final. Sadly, they folded like a cheap house of cards, and had to satisfy themselves with the Runner-Up slot. But in a year they weren’t even counted on to make the CWS… I suppose we’ll take it. Though I’m working through the so-close-and-yet-so-far-away agony on that front, my heart and brain are now free to return 100% to the Sox. So, silver lining.

I appear before you now to do my penance. I will accept suggestions for how best to rectify my grievous sins – so long as none of you jokers suggests I make out with A-Rod or wear a Lugo shirt. That ain’t happening.

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I could post every single one of their illustrations up here, but of course I went with the local one — although Major League fields, Home team dugouts and Cleveland Indians were also favorites.

It doesn’t take much to keep me entertained.

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But I need to get to the important stuff first. Namely: Kevin Youkilis partying pictures. With special appearances by Keith Foulke! He may have been just a babe in the woods, but he sure knew how to pick up the babes. Ahem.

More actual, real content to return very soon – once I dig out from the work backlog.

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