Red Sox vs. Toronto Blue Jays 7:10 pm Fenway Park – Boston, MA SP: Josh Beckett Michael Bowden vs. Scott Richmond

There’s no denying it: getting swept by the Yankees in the waning moments of the 2009 season, and watching any glimmer of hope of an AL East victory drain away while the Evil Empire pops the corks off of champagne bottles in the other dugout is not fun. It is the very definition of ‘opposite of fun’. If ‘opposite of fun’ had an entry in the dictionary, this would be the picture beside it:

Of course, that picture would also be beside ‘disturbing imagery that cannot be unseen’.

Having to endure a pinstriped celebration is just a fact of life. For now. But another fact of life is this: TWO. Two is the magic number left for the Red Sox to claim a playoff spot of their own. A spot that could be claimed anytime in the next seven days… but that might be claimed as early as tonight, if fortune and fate align. And if anybody can gallop up and hogtie fortune while wrestling fate into submission, it’s Josh Beckett.

So let them have their fun down in the Bronx – it stings, but it ain’t the death knell for Boston by any stretch of the imagination. As the great philosopher Jason Varitek once said:

I don’t really give a shit about what they’ve done. I’m worried about what we’re doing.

Indeed, good sir. Indeed.

Red Sox vs. New York Yankees 1:05 pm Yankee Stadium – New York, NY SP: Paul Byrd vs. Andy Pettitte

Red Sox vs. New York Yankees 4:10 pm Yankee Stadium – New York, NY SP: Daisuke Matsuzaka vs. CC Sabathia

Red Sox vs. New York Yankees 7:05 pm Yankee Stadium – New York, NY SP: Jon Lester vs. Joba Chamberlain

Red Sox vs. Kansas City Royals 8:10 pm Kauffman Stadium – Kansas City, MO SP: Clay Buchholz vs. Dusty Hughes

Red Sox vs. Kansas City Royals 8:10 pm Kauffman Stadium – Kansas City, MO SP: Josh Beckett vs. Luke Hochevar

As if it wasn’t bad enough watching a 6-run Red Sox lead implode into a waterlogged loss on Monday.
As if it wasn’t bad enough Nick Green was sent back to Boston with one dead leg that might have developed into a disc problem in his bag.
As if it wasn’t bad enough having to see Wakefield hobble around like a drunken sailor on two bad legs.
As if it wasn’t bad enough losing a second game to the bottom-dweller Royals.
As if it wasn’t bad enough having to “watch” all of this unfold from the confines of my office, which I have barely left since last Tuesday other than to, you know, shower…

I open up my email at midnight tonight (at the office still, of course!) to find this bundle of sunshine waiting for me:

This now extends my unlucky Sox lottery draw/waiting room streak to- oh, I don’t know – 50? Why do I even bother to enter these things any more? OH, YES – BECAUSE I AM A SUCKER. And also because if there’s a chance I can see Becketty Boo and Pleats and Tiger Beat Wags and Warthog and Snowflake and Manchild and the rest of them suit up in the postseason, of course I’m going to go for it — no matter how often I keep getting denied.

So now let’s hear from the rest of you: how many others got the RED EMAIL OF DENIAL tonight? And how many of you lucky bastards actually got tickets?

Red Sox vs. Kansas City Royals 8:10 pm Kauffman Stadium – Kansas City, MO SP: Paul Byrd vs. Zack Greinke

Red Sox vs. Kansas City Royals 8:10 pm Kauffman Stadium – Kansas City, MO SP: Tim Wakefield vs. Lenny DiNardo

Red Sox vs. Baltimore Orioles 1:35 pm Camden Yards – Baltimore, MD SP: Daisuke Matsuzaka vs. Jason Berken

Red Sox vs. Baltimore Orioles 7:05 pm Camden Yards – Baltimore, MD SP: Jon Lester vs. David Hernandez

Red Sox vs. Baltimore Orioles 7:05 pm Camden Yards – Baltimore, MD SP: Clay Buchholz vs. Jeremy Guthrie

Sure, the Yankees rookies may have done the Wizard of Oz theme before – but they didn’t do it with Junichi Tazawa’s beautiful flowing Dorothy locks. Advantage: Red Sox.

And you can all thank WBZ’s Joe Giza for that, and the rest of the photos. Ain’t rookie hazing grand?

From the ProJo:

The rule of thumb is a rookie has to have at least one full year of big-league service before he doesn’t have to dress up, which explains why Lowrie — who was part of last year’s hazing — had to do it again. His disabled-list time this year prevented him from accumulating one full year of service.

Not exactly sure how one of the Village People ties in to the Wizard of Oz theme. Only possible explanation? Whoever was in charge of the costumes forgot to get one for George, and they were forced to dress him up in something out of Jonathan Papelbon’s normal wardrobe.

UPDATE: Now with video! Courtesy of WBZ:

read more…

Tonight’s Sox-Halos game may still be underway, but there’s breaking news to attend to: Pete Abraham, Yankees blogger and beat reporter for LoHud, is coming to cover the Red Sox for the Boston Globe.

For anyone not already familiar with Pete, he is (in this humble Sox fan’s opinion) far and away the best Yankees blog-reporter out there. He updates his LoHud blog non-stop, and always manages to ferret out the inside scoop (and does so in a reliable manner – if he writes it, it’s true). This is a huge, HUGE coup for Sox fans. Add in Pete with the Globe’s Amalie Benjamin and Chad Finn and you’ve got one hell of a Triumverate of Kickass.

Welcome to Boston, Pete – we’ll get that Bronx stink off of you in no time!

Red Sox vs. Los Angeles Angels 7:10 pm Fenway Park – Boston, MA SP: Josh Beckett vs. Ervin Santana

Sox Caps is a semi-regular feature, wherein the brilliant Thomas highlights some of the most interesting parts of the previous night’s game via witty/insightful/gosh-darned-funny screencaps. Comments, jokes or alternative captions are always welcome.

Thanks to a certain person (BETH), I will forever think of this as the “Scioscia Face”. Thanks to a certain other person (KRIS), I will forever hear Lady Gaga singing “M-m-m-my Mike Scioscia face, m-m-m-my Mike Scioscia face” every time I see it. Which is a lot. Because he makes that face 1000000 times a game.

I will take a 5-strike walk, and the win. Yes I will. Especially considering Nick Green’s leg was apparently about to fall off his body at any moment.

I know it’s all the rage for Angels fans to blame everything on biased/scared umpires (ooooh! Boston people are so terrifying we scare the umps into calling balls!), but really, Rivera’s horrific timing on when to decide to dog it on a can of corn is what cost them the game.

M-m-m-my Mike Scioscia face, m-m-m-my Mike Scioscia face! (see what I mean?)

Red Sox vs. Los Angeles Angels 7:10 pm Fenway Park – Boston, MA SP: Paul Byrd vs. Joe Saunders

Surprise!: Surprise of the week, nay the month, has to be Dice-K’s lockdown performance last night. I’m not gonna lie- my typical pre-Dice-game routine involves stocking up on a month’s worth of emergency rations to last me through what usually is an eighteen hour game, as well as two month’s worth of alcohol to drink away the pain. Well, the joke is on me because he pitched six scoreless innings in a game that ended before 10pm. Take that, me!

Not surprising: Journalists and bloggers used approximately 1.45 million different puns on Dice-K’s name in their headlines and post titles this morning. Everyone’s been hoarding Dice-K puns for so long, they just couldn’t contain themselves any more. DICE, DICE BABY! SNAKE EYES!

Other surprising developments over the last week or so (maybe two weeks, whatever!) while I’ve been so cruelly torn away from these here interwebz?

Surprise!: Someone out there is angling to get Jonathan Papelbon into the Cy Young debate. The AL Cy Young “debate” should begin and end with Zack Greinke, with a little Felix Hernandez thrown in for spice – and any writer’s attempt to shoehorn Papelbon into that group pains my soul.

Not surprising: Papelbon did not know a closer has won the Cy Young Award seven times. Our lil’ Rhodes Scholar isn’t paid to know baseball history, people!

Surprise!: Paul Byrd is a farmer! Billy Wagner has his alpacas, Paul Byrd has his pumpkins.

“It was ready to go, but I planted like 50 pumpkins and I’ve only got four,” Paul explained. “And all of my tomato bushes died. My corn died. My cucumbers grew but they’re crooked. So what I discovered was — soil is extremely important, so is following directions, and I’m a ballplayer, not a gardener. But I guess the positives are that I have four pumpkins.”

Not surprising: Buster Olney’s guess that the Red Sox would trade for Prince Fielder in the offseason is being shot down left and right. Why? Because there’s little chance Theo will trade Clay Buchholz or any of his other pitching binkies.

Surprise!: Big Papi’s blogging again! And apparently Victor Martinez isn’t afraid to use physical violence to motivate him.

Victor keeps me going during the game. Oh, yeah. He’ll be screaming at me, he will punch me. He’ll do whatever it takes.

Not surprising: John Henry’s radio silence has ended, and now he’s blogging at NESN. He’s the Curt Schilling of ownership, except with more money and a younger wife.

Red Sox vs. Los Angeles Angels 7:10 pm Fenway Park – Boston, MA SP: Daisuke Matsuzaka vs. John Lackey